Kids in school think quick

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER : No, that’s wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
MILLIE : I is…
TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”
MILLIE : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn’t punish him?”
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as
your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!;
__________________________________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

Nice kavita…

hindi Poem

मैं और मेरा रूममेट अक्सर ये बातें करते हैं,
घर साफ होता तो कैसा होता.
मैं किचन साफ करता तुम बाथरूम धोते,
तुम हॉल साफ करते मैं बालकनी देखता.
लोग इस बात पर हैरान होते,
उस बात पर कितने हँसते.
मैं और मेरा रूममेट अक्सर ये बातें करते हैं.

यह हरा-भरा सिंक है या बर्तनों की जंग छिड़ी हुई है,
ये कलरफुल किचन है या मसालों से होली खेली हुई है.
है फ़र्श की नई डिज़ाइन या दूध, बियर से धुली हुई हैं.

ये सेलफोन है या ढक्कन,
स्लीपिंग बैग है या किसी का आँचल.
ये एयर-फ्रेशनर का नया फ्लेवर है या ट्रैश-बैग से आती बदबू.
ये पत्तियों की है सरसराहट या हीटर फिर से खराब हुआ है.
ये सोचता है रूममेट कब से गुमसुम,
के जबकि उसको भी ये खबर है
कि मच्छर नहीं है, कहीं नहीं है.
मगर उसका दिल है कि कह रहा है
मच्छर यहीं है, यहीं कहीं है.

दिल में एक तस्वीर इधर भी है, उधर भी.
करने को बहुत कुछ है, मगर कब करें हम,
इसके लिए टाइम इधर भी नहीं है, उधर भी नहीं.

दिल कहता है कोई वैक्यूम क्लीनर ला दे,
ये कारपेट जो जीने को जूझ रहा है, फिकवा दे.
हम साफ रह सकते हैं, लोगों को बता दें

WHEN RAMLAL MASTER TRY TO SPEAK ENGLISH

About his family :
————–

I have two daughters. Both of them are girls…(?)

# At the ground :
————-

All of you, stand in a straight circle.

There is no wind in the balloon.

The girl with the mirror please come here…{Meaning girl with specs).
# To a boy, angrily :
——————–

I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
# Giving a punishment :
——————-

You, rotate the ground four times…

You, go and under-stand the tree…

You three of you, stand together separately.

Why are you late – say YES or NO ….(?)
# Sir at his best :
—————

Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them.

So the next day at school… ( to that boy ) – “Yesterday , I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre”
Inside the Class :
—————-

Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.

Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.

Cut an apple into two halves – take the bigger half.

Shhh…Quiet, boys…the principal just passed away in the corridor

You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class .. )

Both of u three, get out of the class.

Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today …

Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver…..

Take 5 cm wire of any length….

Ooooooooo
 
 
 

Awesome Class….Nice Bubble….

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day,

She gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, “Let’s start with the boys first .” Boys start giving their intro…

First boy: “My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the
bathtub.”

Teacher was confused to listen but said, “Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is Essentially a child in each of us. So it’s ok John. Yes
next.”

Second boy: “Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub .”

Teacher now got surprised and said, “Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next.”

Third boy: “I’m Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub .”

Teacher: “Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next .”

This continues, and the last boy stands up “I’m Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.”

Exhausted, the teacher said, “I don’t think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please.”

First girl: “I’m Julie and my hobby is to see birds.”

Teacher: “Good. At last I got something different. Ok next.”

Second girl: “I’m Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.”

Teacher “Now it’s like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl ,Yes yo u…” the Most beautiful girl of the class :”Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take a looooong bath in the bathtub .”

Humour in Indian English

Tamil Nadu, India , well Known Personality,Mr Jeppier,Chairman of Self financing Engineering Colleges Association ,who is always speaking in English … Sathyabama college Students have Collected & published the Book on Jappier’s Spoken English … Njoy ………..with his…………..English………….. Sounds fictitious…although highly likely

Now, here are some classic English sentences from the great Mr. Jeppiar.

Mr. Jeppiar talks to his students:

# At the ground: —————– All of you stand in a straight circle. The girl with the mirror please comes her…{Means: girl with specs please come here).

# To a boy, angrily: ——————— I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# While punishing students: ———————– You, rotate the ground four times… You, go and understand the tree… You three of you stand together separately. Why are y ou late – say YES or NO …..(?)

# Sir at his best: ————— Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did no t see them. So the next day at s school… (to that boy) – “Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre”

# Sir at his best inside the Class room: ———————————————- Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in. Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in. Cut an apple into two halves – I will take the bigger half. Shhh…Quiet, boys…the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..) “Both of u three get out of the class.” Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today… Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver….. Take 5 cm wire of any length….

Last but not the least some Jeppi ar experiences … —————————————————————– Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached, the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

At St. Josephs fresh years day 2003: ———————————————- “No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police”

PAKISTANI QUESTION PAPER- must attempt!!!!!

PAKISTANI MATHS QUESTION PAPER
 
 
Instructions:
 
—————–
i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot.
ii)Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts will be forced to join Al Qayda group.
iii)AK-47's and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall. Students may keep their daggers, Revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs only for self defense.
———————————————————————-
Math Exam Time 3 hours Full Marks 100
All questions are compulsory.
 
1. Abdul was sent to jail for murder .He has 7 wives in his house.
Abdul distributed money to his wives in such a proportion that the youngest and most recent wife receives maximum and oldest wife gets minimum, and each wife gets double of her former competitor. Abdul has 1700 Rupaye left in his house. Abdul's oldest wife needs atleast 25 rupaye per month. Find out the time when Abdul will have to break Jail to come out and earn money so that his wives do not starve.
 
2. Karim is a Drug seller. Prices per gram of Marijuana, hasis, haroine and LHD s are 50, 60,70,80 Rupaye respectively. Karim offers a discount of Rupaye 20 for his buyers who buys more than 50 grams of drug. If Rahim , a buyer gets Rupaye 37 discount , find out the grams of LHD he bought.
 
3. Imran tampers the ball thrice per over. He deforms the ball .02% of its original shape each time . Find the percentage deformation the ball due to tampering in a one day series against India in which Imran bowled 9.3 overs.
 
 
4. Rauf has a Company named Al Allah Kidnapping & Murder Private Limited. He has to threat 10 people per day over Telephone. 40% of the people he threats are cinema stars in Mumbai, 30% are Businessman in Delhi, 20% are Cricket Players in Madras and 10% are shopkeepres in Calcutta . If ISD charges are rupaye 15, 25, 40, 50 per minute from Rauf's city Islamabad to Bombay, Delhi,Calcutta and Madras respectively and he gets a Telephone bill of 10,230 Rupaya in a month Find out The No of Cinema stars in Mumbai ,threatened in that particular month.
 
5. A terrorist group has to provide one Ak 47.one AK 49,one Rocket Launcher, 50 Grenades and one pack of RDX to its Ron roots for training.One AK 47 costs 100$; One Ak 49 costs 150 $,A Bazuka rocket Launcher costs 250 $ , grenade is 3 $ each, a pack of Rdx Bomb attached with remote Control is 500 $.
The terrorist group admits 2000 new people every year out of which 30 % are court-martialed. Find the amt of Foreign Money Pakistan Govt has to provide each year to run such a group.
 
6. If stabilty of democratic Govt. in pakistan is given by the following equation X exp3 +X exp2 -16 = i, where the notations have their usual meaning; Find out x.
 
7. Probaliblity of a Pakistani prime minister to be shot is 78 %.
Probabilty of a Military general to be shot is 80% .
Find the joint probability of a Prime minister to be shot who is also a Military general.
 
8) Find out geometrically the area of Paktunistaan using PI Theorem with Osama BIn Ladens Correction (That is taking the value of PI = 786 instead of 3.14….), if Paktunistaan is taken as a heptagon.
 
9) A 'GHAURI' missile tries to fly from Drass to Kargil which is not too far from Drass (say 100 miles) and is exactly to the East of Drass . The wind is blowing from the South and the speed of the wind is exactly equal to the speed of the airplane. (The speed of the airplane is measured with respect to the air!) The pilot decides to steer straight to Kargil all the time during the flight.
Will the airplane ever reach Kargil ? What if the speed of the wind is k times the speed of the airplane, where k is a positive number (can be greater or less than 1)? Try to sketch the trajectory of the airplane (with respect to the ground, of course) in each of the three cases:
k=1, k1 and k<1.
 
 
10) Briefly discuss the Unsolved problem of "Bisection of a Triangle" with a Compass and an unmarked ruler if the triangle is named as KASHMIR.