Funny but Honest Definitions

Atom Bomb – An invention made to end all inventions.

Boss – Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Cigarette – A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Classic – A book which people praises a lot, but do not read.

College – A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

Committee – Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Compromise – The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference – The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Conference Room – A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

Criminal – A guy no different from the rest… except that he has got caught.

Dictionary – A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Diplomat – A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually looks forward to the trip.

Divorce – Future tense of marriage.

Doctor – A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Ecstasy – A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

Etc. – A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience – The name men give to their mistakes.

Father – A banker provided by nature.

Lecture – An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”.

Love affairs – Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

Marriage – It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master.

Miser – A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Office – A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Optimist – A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”

Opportunist – A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Pessimist – A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

Philosopher – A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Politician – One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Smile – A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Tears – The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Yawn – The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Happy Diwali…

 

 

May the year ahead be lit with happiness & success for you!

 

Joke: Certain facts

Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the Next morning you will have a flat tire.

Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases
when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Joke: Valentine’s Day

There were three men drinking in a bar, a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, “For Valentine’s Day I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring.”
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, “For Valentine’s Day I’m going to buy my wife a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way if she doesn’t like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet.”
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, “For Valentine’s Day I’m going to buy my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator. This way if she doesn’t like the t-shirt she can go fuck herself!”

Family…. Really True Indeed…

 

F A M I L Y

 

 

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,

“Oh excuse me please” was my reply.

 

 

He said, “Please excuse me too;

I wasn’t watching for you.”

 

 

We were very polite, this stranger and I.

We went on our way and we said goodbye.

 

 

But at home a different story is told,

How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

 

 

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,

My son stood beside me very still.

 

 

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.

“Move out of the way,” I said with a frown.

 

 

He walked away, his little heart broken.

I didn’t realize how harshly I’d spoken.

 

 

While I lay awake in bed,

God’s still small voice came to me an d said,

 

 

“While dealing with a stranger,

common courtesy you use,

but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

 

 

Go and look on the kitchen floor,

You’ll find some flowers there by the door.

 

 

Those are the flowers he brought for you.

He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

 

 

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,

you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.”

 

 

By this time, I felt very small,

And now my tears began to fall.

 

 

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;

“Wake up, little on, wake up,” I said.

 

“Are these the flowers you picked for me?”

He smiled, “I found ’em, out by the tree.

 

 

I picked ’em because they’re pretty like you.

I knew you’d like ’em, especially the blue.”

 

 

I said, “Son, I’m very sorry for the way I acted today;

I shouldn’t have yelled at you that way.”

He said, “Oh, Mom, that’s okay.

I love you anyway.”

 

 

I said, “Son, I love you too,

 

and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.”

 

 

FAMILY

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company

that we are working for could easily replace us in

a matter of days.

But the family we left behind will feel the loss

for the rest of their lives.

 

 

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more

into work than into our own family,

an unwise investment indeed,

don’t you think?

So what is behind the story?

 

 

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?

FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

Are there 12 or 13 men?

 

 This will drive you crazy!

WHERE DOES THE EXTRA MAN COME FROM?
Don’t ask me; I haven’t figured it out yet…..

More Fun and Masti on MASTI @ INDIA

What’s love?

What’s love?

When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore
that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around
to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,
your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back,
to let you know of their safe arrival,
your phone is quiet.
You are desperately waiting for the call!
At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from
that special someone than other many long e-mails,
you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the
emails or SMS messages in your phone because of one message
from that special someone, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would
not hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, “that special someone is just a friend”,but
you realize that you can not avoid that person’s special attraction. At that
moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this mail, if someone
appears in your mind,
then u are in love with that person…;))

“Love is something, you can’t run away from……….. Accept it, if you have fallen for somebody”

Quote

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

Visuals : Funny Toons

Poem:Bhaiyo kuch arj kiya Agra ki shaan main….

WAH WAH Agra
Woh Taj Mahal ki dhoop,wo Sanjay Palace soup,
Woh Raja Mandi ka sama, woh Bhagat ki chaat,
Woh Madhu ki ice cream, Wah usme thi kuch baat.
Woh Heera LAl ki mithai, woh Dasa Prakash ka dosa,
Woh Dauji ki pav bhaji aur Khandari ka samosa.
Woh rikshaw ka saffer, woh Subhash Park ki hawa,
Woh Paaliwal Park ki raunak aur DEI ka sama.
Woh January ki kadake ki sardi, woh baarishon ke mahiney,
Woh garmi ki chuttiyan, jab chute te they paseeney.
Woh holi ki masti, woh doston ki toli,
Woh Kinnari Bazar ki galiyan , woh St.Johns ki ladkiyan.
Woh jwala ki balcony aur woh Chick Fish ka NonVeg
Woh school ki life aur woh College ki Zindagi,
Woh cantt. ka rasta aur woh RamBabu ka ki paratha ,.
Woh Sadar ka market,wo highway ke dhabe
Wo Bhawan chauraha , wo Railway station
Itna sab keh diya par dil kehta hai aur bhi kuch kahoon
Wo shehar hain mera apna, jiska naam hai
AGRA

More Collection of great romantic and bewaf Sher aur Sayari at Shayari-e-Azam