Jokes

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Archive for the ‘Indian’ Category

Munna Bhai Jokes

Posted by @ B H i on August 27, 2007

PROFESSOR : Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?

MUNNA BHAI : Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.

MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.

CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.

MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.

CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

MAMU : Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?

GIRL : Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?

CIRCUIT : Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.

MUNNABHAI : Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?

CIRCUIT : Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.

MAMU : Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.

MUNNA BHAI : Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?

MAMU : Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.

PROFESSOR : Akal badi ki bhais?

MUNNA BHAI : Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

MUNNA BHAI : Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI : Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN : What is this?

CIRCUIT : Bread India

Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN : What is this?

CIRCUIT : Sweet India With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks …

ENGLISHMAN : What is that?

CIRCUIT : Air India

CIRCUIT :Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?

MAMU : Nehin.

CIRCUIT :To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.

MUNNA BHAI : Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.

MAMU : Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?

MUNNA BHAI : Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.

MUNNA BHAI: Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?

MAMU : B.A.

MUNNA BHAI : Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?

MAMU : Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.

MAMU KA DOST Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.

CIRCUIT : Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?

SHORT CIRCUIT : Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.

PRINCIPAL : Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

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Posted in Funny, Indian, Jokes | 12 Comments »

The Nehru family tree……..shocking !!

Posted by @ B H i on May 26, 2007

nehru_gandhi.jpg

SEE MORE FUN & SELF SPEAKING PICTURE AT “PICTURES WHICH SPEAK

Posted in Analysis, Friends-Fun, Indian, Information, Life, Politics | 101 Comments »

Good Morning…..

Posted by @ B H i on May 20, 2007

Friendship is like the relation between hands and eyes.
When the hand gets hurt, the eye cries, and when the eye cries the hand wipes its tears.
Be careful when you do something…
U never know when it hurts someone with a broken heart…
Everyone hears what you say…
Friends listen to what you say….
But Best friends listen to what you don’t say ..

Posted in Enjoy Life, Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Humor, Indian, Life | 5 Comments »

Madrasi Jokes

Posted by @ B H i on May 20, 2007

What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu?
I, Iyer, Iyengar.

What’s the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
Comepalakrishnan.

How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
Ready….Steady…..PO

What do you call a really colourful Tamilian?
Rangamannar Rangarajan.

How does a Tamilian introduce the tennis superstar Lendl?
Ivan Lendl (Ivan = ‘he’ in Tamil).

What did the Tamilian call the tall building a Japanese built?
Nikumo Nikado (Will it or won’t it stand?)

A lady arrived at the Madras airport after spending 36 hours in transit. She was fully exhausted after such a long trip with her 6 young kids. Collecting many suitcases, the family entered the cramped customs area.

A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, “Ma’am,” he said, “do all these children and this luggage belong to you?”

“Yes, sir,” the lady said with a sigh. “They’re all mine.”

The customs agent began his interrogation “Ma’am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?”

“Sir,” she calmly answered, “if I’d had any of those items, I would have used them by now.”

James Bond comes out of British Airways at Chennai, goes to his waiting driver and says “I’m Bond, James Bond. James to you”.

For which the driver replies “I’m Subramaniam, Bala Subramaniam. Balls to you…”

What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy?
Subramanium Didn’t See Me

Posted in Funny, Humor, Indian, Jokes | 27 Comments »

Sindhi Jokes

Posted by @ B H i on May 20, 2007

A Sindhi lawyer?:
Case-wani

A Sindhi lawyer after a case?:
Purse-wani

A blue-skier Sindhi?:
Akash-wani

What is a communist Sindhi called?
Lalwani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the first floor called?
Thadani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the 17th. floor called?
Kriplani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the 30th. floor called?
Marjani.

What is the most noteworthy contribution of the Sindhis’ to Hindustani Music?
Raga Kirvani.

A god fearing Sindhi?
Bhagwandas Godwani

A Sindhi painter?
Sadarangani

A Sindhi chef?
Papadmull Kukreja

A Sindhi electrician?
Voltram Bijlani

A fashionable Sindhi?
Jogio Armani

A Sindhi milkman?
Gopal Dudeja

A heroic Sindhi soldier?
Hiroo Sipahimalani

A Sindhi pest control contractor?
Khatmull Marwani

A Sindhi stripper working in New York?
Barbra Jhangiani

A Sindhi casanova?
Prem Kissinchandani

A Sindhi fire-engine?
Bhambhani

A Sindhi detergent?
Neelam Rindani

A Sindhi postman?
Mailwani

A forgetful Sindhi?
Bulo Bhulchandani

A fashionable Sindhi?
Primlani

A fat Sindhi?
Hathiramani

Posted in Funny, Humor, Indian, Jokes | 2 Comments »

Gujrat Jokes

Posted by @ B H i on May 20, 2007

Q :- Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
A :- Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.

Q :- Why won’t the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A :- The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for ‘Kesh’

Q :- What did the Gujju mean when he said, “Ramesh no dikro States ma gayon” ?
A :- Ramesh’s son failed in statistics…

Q) Why did Bill Clinton have the gujju beaten?
A) The gujju told Clinton “You are an IMPOTENT man”

Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race?
A) Tomato KETCHUP.

Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome?
A) He wanted to listen to POPE music.

Q) Why did the gujju go to London?
A) To see BIG BEHN.

Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams?
A) He wanted to get “cent-per-cent” .

Q) What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A) LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.

Q) What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
A) You are going from BED To VERSE.

Q) Did you know that Gujarati students are going to start a fraternity?
A) They named it Rho Beta Rho.

Q) Why did the gujjus take 50 paise when they went to watch “GANDHI”?
A) They read Atten( 8 annas)-bourough in the credits.

Q) What is a Gujju picnic koled?
A) A snake in the grass

Q) Why did the Gujju wear a Tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A) If he was going to become impotent, he wanted to look impotent.

Q) Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
A) Because he said ‘Sue kare chhe.’

Q) Maro dikro Dubai gayo?
A) My son drowned.

Posted in Funny, Humor, Indian, Jokes | 4 Comments »

Bengal Jokes

Posted by @ B H i on May 20, 2007

:- What do you call a Bengali who takes bribe?
A :- Mr. Goosh.
What did one Bengali voyeur ask another?
Keyhollo.

What do you call a bong who talks a lot, sometimes without making sense?
Mr. Chatterjee.

An angry Bengali letter? Chitti-chitti Bong Bong

A talkative Bengali? Bulbul Chatterjee

An outlawed Bengali? Kanoon Banerjee

An enlightened Bengali? Jyoti Basu

A Bengali who works? A work of fiction

A stupid Bengali girl? Balika Buddhu

A Bengali marriage? Bedding

A mad Bengali? In Sen

A dark Bengali who lives in a cave? Kalidas Guha

A Bengali mobster? Robin Ganguli

A perfumed Bengali? Chandan Dass

A Bengali goldsmith? Shonar Bongla

What’s bigger than the state of Bengal? The Bay of Bengal

What’s common between Bengalis and sperms? Only 1 in a million works

When does a Bengali sound like a dog? When he says wow(Bow)

What does a ghati call a burping Bong? Mukhopadhaya

What do you call a Bengali who doesn t eat fish? Ahilsa

Posted in Funny, Humor, Indian, Jokes | 1 Comment »

Mallu Jokes

Posted by @ B H i on May 20, 2007

Why does a Malayalee go to a temple?
Zimply to Bray.

How does a baby mallu cry?
“visa visa visa visa . . .”

Why did the Malayalee buy an air ticket?
To go to DUBAIH ..simbly to meet his UNGLE and AUNDY in GELF.

who was Bruce Lee’s best friend in Malayasia?
Malaya LEE

How does a malayalee spell Malayalam?
YAMM – YAY – YELL – YAY – WHY – YAY – YELL -YUMM.

What did the Mallu scientist do on reaching the moon?
He tested the soil if it was fit to plant tapioca.

Why do Mallus wear Mundu?
Because in the Monsoon flood the mundu can be tucked upwards as the water rises.

What happens when a bakery in Kerala is named after a gerrl called Anu?
Its named ‘Anus Bakery’.

Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.

What is the tax on Mallu’s income called?
IngumDax

What is Malayali management graduate called?
A Yem Bee Yae.

How many Malayalees do you need to change a lightbulb?

Infinite number.. One to change the bulb, 20 to form the light bulb workers’ union (Marxist), 30 to form the counter union (CPI), 1 to be the Light bulb minister, 1 to head the Light bulb corporation, 45 to be nominated to the light bulb corporation, 60 to go to US,Germany, Switzerland and Hawaii to do import product survey on light bulb, 3 to form the Judicial Enquiry commission on light bulb scandal…. so on…. (BTW, Kerala Marxists anyway believe that you don’t have to change light bulbs.. A light bulb has seeds of its own revolution….)

Is Bruce Lee a Malaya Lee?

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite weapon?
Kodaa Lee

According to Bruce Lee, which is the Venomous snake?
Ana Lee

Place where Bruce Lee stays when he is in Kerala
Adima Lee

Posted in Funny, Humor, Indian, Jokes | 69 Comments »

Nice Arzi in Punjabi

Posted by @ B H i on May 20, 2007

To

The Chairman,
Software Firm,

Bangalore

Sir ji,

Binti eh hai ki aj kal company vich dil nahi lagda te raat nu neend nahi andi kyonki company vich munde bore ne, jo hai oh sab eniyan ajeeb ne ki dekhan nu ji ni karda.Te manageran v koih khas ptaka nahi haan. Hor ni koch taan munde hi sohne rakh lavo taa ki nave joinees kaam leyyee motivate ho sakan .

Aap ji da bahut dhanayawda howanga.

Your faithfully,

Kudi Association

Posted in Friends, Funny, Girls, Humor, Indian, Office, Sadar | Leave a Comment »

Cricket Innovation After World Cup 2007

Posted by @ B H i on May 10, 2007

The Cricket bat, ball & stumps are not going to be waste…. New Implementation of those in a productive manner….

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Posted in Analysis, Cricket World Cup 2007, Current Issues, Funny, Humor, Indian, NIce Trick, Random Thoughts | 1 Comment »