Nice Arzi in Punjabi

To

The Chairman,
Software Firm,

Bangalore

Sir ji,

Binti eh hai ki aj kal company vich dil nahi lagda te raat nu neend nahi andi kyonki company vich munde bore ne, jo hai oh sab eniyan ajeeb ne ki dekhan nu ji ni karda.Te manageran v koih khas ptaka nahi haan. Hor ni koch taan munde hi sohne rakh lavo taa ki nave joinees kaam leyyee motivate ho sakan .

Aap ji da bahut dhanayawda howanga.

Your faithfully,

Kudi Association

Sardar Jokes

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing
is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!
************************************************************
Sardar: I haven’t slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn’t u exchange?
Sardar: Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..
************************************************************
A Sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss.
Do you know what the business was?
He opened a Hair Cutting Saloon in Punjab!
*************************************************************
Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again had twins & named Max & Climax.
Again the same! Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!
*************************************************************
19 SARDARS WENT for A FILM.ON ASKING THEM WHY THEY CAME IN A BIG
GROUP OF 19?
THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR PEOPLE ABOVE 18…
**************************************************************
Sardar standing below a tube light with an open
mouth…………….. WHY?
Because his doctor advised him “Tonight’s dinner should be light”
**************************************************************
Sardar was filling up application form for a job. He was not
sure as to what to be filled in column “Salary Expected”.
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
**************************************************************
SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF –
I SARDAR, SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY!
**************************************************************
One Sardar professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking…
**************************************************************
Postman: – I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: – why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it….
***************************************************************
What does a Sardar do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
***************************************************************
WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.
****************************************************************
A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. Judge
asked:
How’ll U divide, U”VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We’ll apply NEXT YEAR
*****************************************************************

Sardar M.B.B.S

Once, a Sardar applied to Medical School . Needless to say, he never made it..

These are the answers he gave…

ANTIBODY – against everyone

ARTERY – the study of fine paintings

BACTERIA – back part of a cafeteria

CAESARIAN SECTION – a district in Rome

CARDIOLOGY – advanced study of playing cards

CAT SCAN – searching for lost kitty

CHRONIC – neck of a crow

COMA – punctuation mark

DIAGNOSIS – person with a slanted nose

DILATE – the late Welsh princess

GALLBLADDER – bladder in a girl

GENES – blue denim

HERNIA – she is close by

HYMEN – greeting to several males

IMPOTENT – distinguished, well-known

LABOR PAIN – hurt at work

LACTOSE – person without digits on the foot

LIPOSUCTION – a French kiss

LYMPH – walk unsteadily

MICROBES – small dressing gowns

OBESITY – city of Obe

SECRETION – hiding anything

TABLET – small table

ULTRASOUND – radical noise

Sardar Ji Jokes

Santa: WHat is another difference between a mosquito and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannt mosquito.

Banta: When did George Washington die?
Santa: 2 days b4 his funeral

Banta: tell me five FERROUCIOUS animals that you can think of……
Santa: 3 lions and 2 tigers.

Sardarji is buying a TV
“Do you have colour TVs?”
“Sure.”
“Give me a green one, please.”

Sardarji calls Air India.
“How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?”
“Just a sec,” says the rep.
Thank you.” says the Sardarji and hangs up.

Sardarji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes

Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?”
The clerk replies, “That is a Thermos flask.”
The Sardar asks, “What does it do?”
The clerk responds, “Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”
The Sardar says, “I’ll take it!”
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, “What is that shiny object with you?”
He said, “It’s a Thermos flask.”
The boss asks, “What does it do?”
He replies, “Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”
The boss said, “Wow, what do you have in it?”
The Sardar replies, “Two cups of coffee and a coke.”

Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home.
Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints
like “Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai.”

What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.

There was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.
They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
“Oh…we’ll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?”
That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave…
“No problem! We’ll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then
we would become a State of USA and develop automatically.”
All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd
was not. Someone asked him why he wasn’t happy.
The old surd replied, “THAT’S ALL VERY WELL…WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE
WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???”

9- Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
“I would like to buy this small TV,” he told the salesman.
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned
to tell the salesman
“I would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” Salesman replied.
“Damn, he recognised me,” he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,
new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.
“I would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a Sardar?”
“Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.

10- Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

11- How do you measure Sardarji’s intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

Its easy to joke on a Sardar, but It’s too difficult to be a Sardar..

I was standing at jalandhar station when my attention went towards a Sikh youth standing near me wearing a Black turban having a long beard and wearing a kirpan over his shirt looking similar to a terrorist.After a while, one local train arrived, which was totally packed. The Sikh youth tried to alight the train but failed to do so. Just then a voice was heard from the back coach ‘Sardarji Barah Baj gaye’ (Sir it’s 12 o’clock!)

The Sikh youth looked over at that voice maker who was a young Mischievous type of person and instead of showing any anger made a smile towards him.

The smile made was so enigmatic that it seemed as if some type of truth lies behind it. Not able to resist my temptation, I walked towards him and asked why did he smile at that person who teased him. The Sikh youth replied, ‘He was not teasing me but was asking for my Help’ . I was surprised with these words and he told me that there was a big history behind that which one should know. I was eager to know the History and the Sikh youth narrated:

During 17th Century, when Hindustan was ruled by Mughals, all the Hindu people were humiliated and were treated like animals. Mughals treated the Hindu women as there own property and were forcing all Hindus to accept Islam and even used to kill the people if they were refusing to accept.That time, our ninth Guru, Sri Guru Teg Bahadarji came forward,in response to a request of some Kashmir Pandits to fight against all these cruel activities. Guruji told the Mughal emperor that if he could succeed in converting him to Islam, all the Hindus would accept the same.

But, if he failed, he should stop all those activities . The Mughal emperor happily agreed to that but even after lots of torture to Guruji and his fellow members he failed to convert him to Islam and Guruji along with his other four fellow members, were tortured and sacrificed their lives in Chandni Chowk. Since the Mughals were unable to convert them to Islam they were assassinated.

Thus Guruji sacrificed his life for the protection of Hindu religion. Can anybody lay down his life and that too for the protection of another religion? This is the reason he is still remembered as “Hind Ki Chaddar”, shield of India. For the sake of whom he had sacrificed his life, none of the them came forward to lift his body, fearing that they would also be assassinated

Seeing this incident our 10th Guruji! , Sri Guru Gobind Singhji (Son of Guru Teg Bahadarji) founder of khalsa made a resolution that he would convert his followers to such human beings who would not be able to hide themselves and could be easily located in thousands.

At the start, the Sikhs were very few in numbers as they were fighting against the Mughal emperors. At that time, Nadir Shah raided Delhi in the year 1739 and looted Hindustan and was carrying lot of Hindustan treasures and nearly 2200 Hindu women along with him. The news spread like a fire and was heard by Sardar Jassa Singh who was the Commander of the Sikh army at that time. He decided to attack Nadir Shah’s Kafila on the same midnight. He did so and rescued all the Hindu women and they were safely sent to their homes.

It didn’t happen only once but thereafter whenever any Abdaalis or Iranis had attacked and looted Hindustan and were trying to carry the treasures and Hindu women alo! ng with them for selling them in Abdal markets, the Sikh army although fewer in numbers but were brave hearted and attacked them at midnight,12 O’clock and rescued women.

After that time when there occurred a similar incidence, people started to contact the Sikh army for their help and Sikhs used to attack the raider’s at Midnight, 12 O’clock. Nowadays, these “smart people” and some Sikh enemies who are afraid of Sikhs, have spread these words that at 12 O’clock, the Sikhs go out of their senses.

This historic fact was the reason which made me smile over that person as I thought that his Mother or Sister would be in trouble! and wants my help and was reminding me by saying off ‘Sardarji Barah Baj Gaye’

Plz do forward this mail to all ur friends so they can know about sikh history & its a humble appeal PLEASE dont make fun of other RELIGIONS as every religion is as pure as urs.

“Its easy to joke on a Sardar, but It’s too difficult to be a Sardar”

A letter from an Punjabi mother to her son.

My dear Jagjit,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.

I’m writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles.

I won’t be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I’m not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven’t seen them since.

The weather here isn’t too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club’s poolside. The manager is Badmash.  He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don’t know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

There isn’t much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love – Mom.

P.S. Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter

George Bush Vs Sardar

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

“Hallo, Mr. Bush!” a heavily accented voice said, “This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that we are ophicially declaring the war on you!”

“Well, Gurmukh,” Bush replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army”

“Right now,” said Gurmukh, after a moment’s calculation, “there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Harjit, and the whole kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight of us”

Bush paused. “I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Arrey O, main kya.. ,” said Gurmukh. “I’ll have to ring you back!”

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

“Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I’m calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to get some more inphantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh,” Bush asked.

“Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Harjit’s tractor.”

Bush sighed. “I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.”

“Oh teri ….” said Gurmukh. “I’ll have to get back to you.”

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

“Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne…… We’ve modified Harjit’s tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind’s generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have also joined us as.”

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-equiped, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!”

“Tera pala hove….” said Gurmuk, “I’ll have to ring you back.”

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

“Kiddan, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Bush. “Why the sudden change of heart,” may I ask?

“Well,” said Gurmukh, “we’ve all had a long chat over a couple of lassi’s, and decided there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!”

Ram da letter sita de vaste!!

RAM's letter to SITA in Punjabi

Dear SITA

Main itthe raji khushi han and hope ke tu v theek thaak hovengi, Laxman
tannu bahut yaad karda hai.
Main is bandar de hath tannu chitthi bhej reha haan,
tu tension na layi main bahut jaldi tenu ravan naal chura lavanga.

Main AIRTEL da prepaid le liya hai,
RAVAN nu main mobile te bhot GAALAAN kadiya te SAALE ne katt ditta,
Chal koi ni main aana ta hai.
Taan KUTUNGA saale KANJAR nu.
Main tere naal bhi ek AIRTEL ka prepaid bhej riya ha udhe ch 1500 SMS free
wali scheme ha,
Tu roz menu SMS kareya kari.

changa fir
See Uuuu.

With Luv

Dashrath da Vadda Puttar “ram

Today’s joke Sardarji

Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

“I would like to buy this small TV,” he told the salesman.

“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” he replied.

He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman

“I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” Salesman replied.

“Damn, he recognised me,” he thought.

He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.

“I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” he replied.

Frustrated, he exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a Sardar?”

“Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.

Sardar and Maths…

There is a group of 7 Sardars who plan to meet their old friend the Principal Zail Singh

The Sardars decide to take a taxi.

The taxi driver takes them to Rashtrapati Bhavan.

The meter shows Rs. 28/-, so the taxi  driver says, “You have to pay me Rs. 28/-.”

Now, the Sardars have to share the cost among themselves and so they decide to divide the total (Rs. 28/-) by the number of people, i.e.  7.

This is how they do the calculation to arrive at the answer:
____
7 | 28   = 13                 ( 7 x 1 = 7, 7 x 3 = 21  ).
7
—
21
21
—
0
—

The driver is exceedingly happy upon receiving Rs. 13/- from each of the Sardars. He thanks them profusely and the feeling of happiness is writtern on his face as he leaves them and  proceeds his way.

Seeing this, the Sardars feel that they may have made a mistake.

They decide to ask Zail Singh about it. After all, the fellow was the Principal of the nation!

They ask Zail Singh to check their calculation of the  taxi  fare.

Zail Singh ponders over the calculations and finally says,   “See, I am not good at division. The process just boggles me but addition is something I am an expert at. Let us add all the amounts you guys gave to the taxi driver and check the result. This is how I  do for those tax forms I get very often. The process is slow but is sure.” The other sardars nod their heads (?) in appreciation.

The Principal writes as shown below and also explains as he writes on:
13
13
13
13
13
13
13
—
28
—
i.e. 3+3+3+3+3+3+ 3= 21 and 21+1+1+1+1+1+ 1+1=28 so this  checks out.

He then says, “Yes, it’s correct. But I can also call my close  friend and Finance man Banta Singh.

Banta Singh arrives,   and when told of the problem, he replies that he doesn’t think it is  a bad deal but says, “No problem! I will verify it via mathematical  computation.   I’ll verify it with multiplication. That is the best   technique for  this, you see!”

While others watch in admiration, Banta Singh goes on to write as shown:
13
x7
—   (7*3=21 ,7*1=7 so 21+7=28)
21
+ 7
—
28        This checks out as well.
—
Then he says, “This is really fine. There should be no problem, Principal Sahab. After all, it is correct in all the methods.”