Jokes

Laughter All The Way….

Archive for August, 2006

Hilarious…..!!! Damn Good

Posted by @ B H i on August 27, 2006

Anita was in her late thirties and still not married.

She just had a hard time meeting men.

And the men she did meet all ended up being jerks.

Finally, she decided to place an ad in the personals in the newspaper.

Anita wrote: “Looking for a man who won?t beat me, won?t leave me, and is excellent in bed.”

Several days went by and she hadn’t gotten a single call. Then, one day she was doing her laundry when she heard a knock on the door.

She walked upstairs to answer it. She opened the door and saw a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.

“Can I help you?” Anita asked.

He said, “I am the man of your dreams!”

Anita was baffled. She said, “Excuse me.”

“I read your personal add in the paper and I am the perfect man for you. I have no arms, so I can?t beat you. I have no legs, so I can never leave you.”

“But are you good in bed?” Anita asked.

He replied, “How do you think I knocked on the door?!”

Posted in Awesome, Jokes | 1 Comment »

Two Dwarfs

Posted by @ B H i on August 27, 2006

Two dwarfs go into a bar where they pick up two women & take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The 1st dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of “Here I come again! One, two, three, uh,” all night long.

In the morning, the 2nd dwarf asks the 1st “How did it go?”

The 1st mutters “It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn’t get an erection.”

The 2nd dwarf shook his head & says “You think that’s embarrassing? I couldn’t even get on the bed.”

Posted in Awesome, Jokes | 1 Comment »

Corporate Rules

Posted by @ B H i on August 27, 2006

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 just to drop that towel that you have on”. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower “Who was that?”

“It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies.

“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure!

CORPORATE LESSON # 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road; he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal
a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car,
he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember psalm 129?”

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely.

He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember psalm 129?”

Once again the priest apologized. “Sorry sister, but the mind is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said,” Go forth and seek; further up, you will find glory.”

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great Opportunities!

CORPORATE LESSON # 3

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”

“Certainly, Sir” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine.” I just need one copy.”

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.

CORPORATE LESSON # 4

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, “Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true.”

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE”. The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian’s turn, he did the same and shouted, “VODKA” and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, “BEER”. He was so contented with his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, “SH**!!!!!!!………”

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Mind your language, you never Know what it will land you in

Posted in Analysis, Information, Life | 3 Comments »

HANUMAN CHALISA (English Explaination)

Posted by @ B H i on August 27, 2006

Shree Guru Charan Saroj Raj, Nij Man Mukar Sudhari,
Barnau Raghuvar Bimal Jasu, Jo dayaku Phal Chari

With the dust of Guru’s Lotus feet, I clean the mirror of my mind and then
narrate the sacred glory of Sri Ram Chandra, The Supereme among the Raghu
dynasty. The giver of the four attainments of life.

Budhi heen Tanu Janike, Sumirow, Pavan Kumar,
Bal Buddhi Vidya Dehu Mohi, Harahu Kalesh Bikaar

Knowing myself to be ignorent, I urge you, O Hanuman, The son of Pavan! O
Lord! kindly Bestow on me strength, wisdom and knowledge, removing all my
miseries and blemishes.

Jai Hanuman Gyan Guna Sagar
Jai Kipis Tihun Lok Ujgaar

Victory of Thee, O Hanuman, Ocean of wisdom and virtue, victory to the Lord of
monkeys who is well known in all the three worlds

Ramdoot Atulit Bal Dhamaa,
Anjani Putra Pavansut naamaa.

You, the Divine messager of Ram and repository of immeasurable strength, are also
known as Anjaniputra and known as the son of the wind – Pavanputra.

Mahebeer Bikram Bajrangi,
Kumati Nivaar Sumati Ke Sangi.

Oh Hanumanji! You are valiant and brave, with a body like lightening. You are the
dispeller of darkness of evil thoughts and companion of good sense and wisdom.

Kanchan Baran Biraaj Subesaa,
Kanan kundal kunchit kesa.

Shri Hanumanji’s physique is golden coloured. His dress is pretty, wearing
‘Kundals’ ear-rings and his hairs are long and curly.

Hath Bajra Aur Dhvaja Birjai,
Kandhe Moonj Janeu saage.

Shri Hanumanji is holding in one hand a lighting bolt and in the other a banner
with sacred thread across his shoulder.

Shankar Suvna Kesari Nandan,
Tej Pratap Maha Jag Vandan.

Oh Hanumanji! You are the emanation of ‘SHIVA’ and you delight Shri Keshri.
Being ever effulgent, you and hold vast sway over the universe. The entire
world proptiates. You are adorable of all.

Vidyavaan Guni Ati Chatur,
Ram Kaj Karibe Ko Atur

Oh! Shri Hanumanji! You are the repository learning, virtuous, very wise and
highly keen to do the work of Shri Ram,

Prabhu Charittra Sunibe Ko Rasiya,
Ram Lakhan Sita man basyia.

You are intensely greedy for listening to the naration of Lord Ram’s lifestory and
revel on its enjoyment. You ever d well in the hearts of Shri Ram-Sita and Shri
Lakshman.
 
Sukshma roop Dhari Siyahi Dikhwana,
Bikat roop Dhari Lank Jarawa

You appeared beofre Sita in a diminutive form and spoke to her, while you
assumed an awesome form and struck terror by setting Lanka on fire.

Bhim roop Dhari Asur Sanhare,
Ramchandra Ke kaaj Savare.

He, with his terrible form, killed demons in Lank a and performed all acts of Shri
Ram.

Laye Sajivan Lakhan Jiyaye,
Shri Raghubir harashi
ur laye.

When Hanumanji made Lakshman alive after bringing ‘Sanjivni herb’ Shri Ram
took him in his deep embrace, his heart full of joy.

Raghupati Kinhi Bahut Badaai,
Tum Mama Priya Bharat Sam Bahi.

Shri Ram lustily extolled Hanumanji’s excellence and remarked, “you are as dear
to me as my own brother Bharat”

Sahastra Badan Tumharo Jas Gaave,
Asa kahi Shripati Kanth Laagave.

Shri Ram embraced Hanumanji saying:
“Let the thousand – tongued sheshnaag sing your glories”

Sankadik Brahmadi Muneesa,
Narad Sarad Sahit Aheesa

Sanak and the sages, saints. Lord Brahma, the great hermits Narad and
Goddess Saraswati along with Sheshnag the cosmic serpent, fail to sing the
glories of Hanumanji exactly

Jam Kuber Digpal Jahan Te,
Kabi Kabid Kahin Sake Kahan Te

What to talk of denizens of the earth like poets and scholars ones etc even Gods
like Yamraj, Kuber, and Digpal fail to narrate Hanman’s greatness in toto.

Tum Upkar Sugrivahi Keenha,
Ram Miali Rajpad Deenha

Hanumanji! You rendered a great service for Sugriva, It were you who united
him with SHRI RAM and installed him on the Royal Throne.

Tumharo Mantro Bibhishan Maana,
Lankeshwar Bhaye Sab Jag Jaana.

By heeding your advice. Vibhushan became Lord of Lanka, which is known all
over the universe.

Juug Sahastra Jojan Par Bhaanu,
Leelyo Taahi Madhur Phal Jaanu

Hanumanji gulped, the SUN at distance of sixteen thousand miles considering
it to be a sweet fru it.

Prabhu Mudrika Meli Mukha Maaheen,
Jaladhi Langhi Gaye Acharaj Naheen.

Carrying the Lord’s ring in his mouth, he went across the ocean. There is no
wonder in that.

Durgam Kaaj Jagat Ke Jeete,
Sugam Anugrah Tumhre Te Te.

Oh Hanumanji! all the difficult tasks in the world are rendered easiest by your
grace.

Ram Duware Tum Rakhavare,
Hot Na Aagya Bin Paisare
 .

Oh Hanumanji! You are the sentinel at the door of Ram’s mercy mansion or His
divine abode. No one may enter without your permission.

Sab Sukh Lahen Tumhari Sarna,
Tum Rakshak Kaahu Ko Darna a.

By your grace one can enjoy all happiness and one need not have any fear under
your protection.

Aapan Tej Samharo Aapei,
Tanau Lok Hank Te Kanpei

When you roar all the three worlds tremble and only you can control your might.

Bhoot Pisaach Nikat Nahi Avei,
Mahabir Jab Naam Sunavei.

Great Brave on. Hanumanji’s name keeps all the Ghosts, Demons & evils spirits
away from his devotees.

Nasei Rog Hare Sab Peera,
Japat Niranter Hanumant Beera

On reciting Hanumanji’s holy name regularly all the maladies perish the entire
pain disappears.

Sankat Te Hanuman Chhudavei,
Man Kram Bachan Dhyan Jo Lavei.

Those who rembember Hanumanji in thought, word and deed are well guarded
against their odds in life.

Sub Par Ram Tapasvee Raaja,
Tinke Kaaj Sakal Tum Saaja

Oh Hanumanji! You are the caretaker of even Lord Rama, who has been hailed as
the Supreme Lord and the Monarch of all those devoted in penances.

Aur Manorath Jo Koi Lave,
Soi Amit Jivan Phal Pave.

Oh Hanumanji! You fulfill the desires of those who come to you and bestow
the eternal nectar the highest fruit of life.

Charo Juung Partap Tumhara,
Hai Parsiddha Jagat Ujiyara.

Oh Hanumanji! You magnificent glory is acclaimed far and wide all through the
four ages and your fame is radianlty noted all over the cosmos.

Sadho Sant Ke Tum R akhvare,
Asur Nikandan Ram Dulare.

Oh Hanumanji! You are the saviour and the guardian angel of saints and sages
and destroy all the Demons, you are the seraphic darling of Shri Ram.

Ashta Siddhi Nau Nidhi Ke Data,
Asa Bar Din Janki Mata.

< SPAN style=”COLOR: #fc7e00″> Shree Guru Charan Saroj Raj, Nij Man Mukar Sudhari,
Barnau Raghuvar Bimal Jasu, Jo dayaku Phal Chari

With the dust of Guru’s Lotus feet, I clean the mirror of my mind and then
narrate the sacred glory of Sri Ram Chandra, The Supereme among the Raghu
dynasty. The giver of the four attainments of life.

Budhi heen Tanu Janike, Sumirow, Pavan Kumar,
Bal Buddhi Vidya Dehu Mohi, Harahu Kalesh Bikaar

Knowing myself to be ignorent, I urge you, O Hanuman, The son of Pavan! O
Lord! kindly Bestow on me strength, wisdom and knowledge, removing all my
miseries and blemishes.

Jai Hanuman Gyan Guna Sagar
Jai Kipis Tihun Lok Ujgaar

Victory of Thee, O Hanuman, Ocean of wisdom and virtue, victory to the Lord of
monkeys who is well known in all the three worlds

Ramdoot Atulit Bal Dhamaa,
Anjani Putra Pavansut naamaa.

You, the Divine messager of Ram and repository of immeasurable strength, are also
known as Anjaniputra and known as the son of the wind – Pavanputra.

Mahebeer Bikram Bajrangi,
Kumati Nivaar Sumati Ke Sangi.

Oh Hanumanji! You are valiant and brave, with a body like lightening. You are the
dispeller of darkness of evil thoughts and companion of good sense and wisdom.

Kanchan Baran Biraaj Subesaa,
Kanan kundal kunchit kesa.

Shri Hanumanji’s physique is golden coloured. His dress is pretty, wearing
‘Kundals’ ear-rings and his hairs are long and curly.

Hath Bajra Aur Dhvaja Birjai,
Kandhe Moonj Janeu saage.

Shri Hanumanji is holding in one hand a lighting bolt and in the other a banner
with sacred thread across his shoulder.

Shankar Suvna Kesari Nandan,
Tej Pratap Maha Jag Vandan.

Oh Hanumanji! You are the emanation of ‘SHIVA’ and you delight Shri Keshri.
Being ever effulgent, you and hold vast sway over the universe. The entire
world proptiates. You are adorable of all.

Vidyavaan Guni Ati Chatur,
Ram Kaj Karibe Ko Atur

Oh! Shri Hanumanji! You are the repository learning, virtuous, very wise and
highly keen to do the work of Shri Ram,

Prabhu Charittra Sunibe Ko Rasiya,
Ram Lakhan Sita man basyia.

You are intensely greedy for listening to the naration of Lord Ram’s lifestory and
revel on its enjoyment. You ever d well in the hearts of Shri Ram-Sita and Shri
Lakshman.
 
Sukshma roop Dhari Siyahi Dikhwana,
Bikat roop Dhari Lank Jarawa

You appeared beofre Sita in a diminutive form and spoke to her, while you
assumed an awesome form and struck terror by setting Lanka on fire.

Bhim roop Dhari Asur Sanhare,
Ramchandra Ke kaaj Savare.

He, with his terrible form, killed demons in Lank a and performed all acts of Shri
Ram.

Laye Sajivan Lakhan Jiyaye,
Shri Raghubir harashi
ur laye.

When Hanumanji made Lakshman alive after bringing ‘Sanjivni herb’ Shri Ram
took him in his deep embrace, his heart full of joy.

Raghupati Kinhi Bahut Badaai,
Tum Mama Priya Bharat Sam Bahi.

Shri Ram lustily extolled Hanumanji’s excellence and remarked, “you are as dear
to me as my own brother Bharat”

Sahastra Badan Tumharo Jas Gaave,
Asa kahi Shripati Kanth Laagave.

Shri Ram embraced Hanumanji saying:
“Let the thousand – tongued sheshnaag sing your glories”

Sankadik Brahmadi Muneesa,
Narad Sarad Sahit Aheesa

Sanak and the sages, saints. Lord Brahma, the great hermits Narad and
Goddess Saraswati along with Sheshnag the cosmic serpent, fail to sing the
glories of Hanumanji exactly

Jam Kuber Digpal Jahan Te,
Kabi Kabid Kahin Sake Kahan Te

What to talk of denizens of the earth like poets and scholars ones etc even Gods
like Yamraj, Kuber, and Digpal fail to narrate Hanman’s greatness in toto.

Tum Upkar Sugrivahi Keenha,
Ram Miali Rajpad Deenha

Hanumanji! You rendered a great service for Sugriva, It were you who united
him with SHRI RAM and installed him on the Royal Throne.

Tumharo Mantro Bibhishan Maana,
Lankeshwar Bhaye Sab Jag Jaana.

By heeding your advice. Vibhushan became Lord of Lanka, which is known all
over the universe.

Juug Sahastra Jojan Par Bhaanu,
Leelyo Taahi Madhur Phal Jaanu

Hanumanji gulped, the SUN at distance of sixteen thousand miles considering
it to be a sweet fru it.

Prabhu Mudrika Meli Mukha Maaheen,
Jaladhi Langhi Gaye Acharaj Naheen.

Carrying the Lord’s ring in his mouth, he went across the ocean. There is no
wonder in that.

Durgam Kaaj Jagat Ke Jeete,
Sugam Anugrah Tumhre Te Te.

Oh Hanumanji! all the difficult tasks in the world are rendered easiest by your
grace.

Ram Duware Tum Rakhavare,
Hot Na Aagya Bin Paisare
 .

Oh Hanumanji! You are the sentinel at the door of Ram’s mercy mansion or His
divine abode. No one may enter without your permission.

Sab Sukh Lahen Tumhari Sarna,
Tum Rakshak Kaahu Ko Darna a.

By your grace one can enjoy all happiness and one need not have any fear under
your protection.

Aapan Tej Samharo Aapei,
Tanau Lok Hank Te Kanpei

When you roar all the three worlds tremble and only you can control your might.

Bhoot Pisaach Nikat Nahi Avei,
Mahabir Jab Naam Sunavei.

Great Brave on. Hanumanji’s name keeps all the Ghosts, Demons & evils spirits
away from his devotees.

Nasei Rog Hare Sab Peera,
Japat Niranter Hanumant Beera

On reciting Hanumanji’s holy name regularly all the maladies perish the entire
pain disappears.

Sankat Te Hanuman Chhudavei,
Man Kram Bachan Dhyan Jo Lavei.

Those who rembember Hanumanji in thought, word and deed are well guarded
against their odds in life.

Sub Par Ram Tapasvee Raaja,
Tinke Kaaj Sakal Tum Saaja

Oh Hanumanji! You are the caretaker of even Lord Rama, who has been hailed as
the Supreme Lord and the Monarch of all those devoted in penances.

Aur Manorath Jo Koi Lave,
Soi Amit Jivan Phal Pave.

Oh Hanumanji! You fulfill the desires of those who come to you and bestow
the eternal nectar the highest fruit of life.

Charo Juung Partap Tumhara,
Hai Parsiddha Jagat Ujiyara.

Oh Hanumanji! You magnificent glory is acclaimed far and wide all through the
four ages and your fame is radianlty noted all over the cosmos.

Sadho Sant Ke Tum R akhvare,
Asur Nikandan Ram Dulare.

Oh Hanumanji! You are the saviour and the guardian angel of saints and sages
and destroy all the Demons, you are the seraphic darling of Shri Ram.

Ashta Siddhi Nau Nidhi Ke Data,
Asa Bar Din Janki Mata.


Hanumanji has been blessed with mother Janki to grant to any one any YOGIC
power of eight Sidhis and Nava Nidhis as per choice.

Ram Rasayan Tumhare Pasa,
Sadaa Raho Raghupati Ke Dasa.

Oh Hanumanji! You hold the essence of devotion to RAM, always remaining His
Servant.

Tumhare Bhajan Ramko Pavei.
Janam Janam Ke Dukh Bisravei.

Oh Hanumanji! through devotion to you, one comes to RAM and becames free
from suffering of several lives.

Anta Kaal Raghubar Pur Jai,
Jahan Janma Hari Bhakta Kahai.

After death he enters the eternal abode of Sri Ram and remains a devotee of
him, whenever, taking new birth on earth.

Aur Devata Chitt Na Dharai,
Hanumant Sei Sarva Sukh Karai

You need not hold any other demigod in mind. Hanumanji alone will give all
happiness.

Sankat Kate Mitey Sab Peera,
Jo Sumirei Hanumant Balbeera

Oh Powerful Hanumanji! You end the sufferings and remove all the pain from
those who remember you.

Jai Jai Jai Hanuman Gosai
Kripa Karahu Gurudev Ki Naiee

Hail-Hail-Hail-Lord Hanumanji! I beseech you Honour to bless me in the
capacity of my supreme ‘GURU’ (teacher).

Jo Sat Baar Paath Kar Koi,
Chhutahi Bandi Maha Sukh Hoi.

One who recites this Hanuman Chalisa one hundred times daily for one hundred
days becames free from the bondage of life and death and ejoys the highest
bliss at last.

Jo Yah Padhe Hanuman Chalisa,
Hoy Siddhi Sakhi Gaurisa

As Lord Shankar witnesses, all those who recite Hanuman Chalisa regularly are
sure to be benedicted

Tulsidas Sada Hari Chera,
Keeje Nath Hriday Mah Dera.

Tulsidas always the servant of Lord prays. “Oh my Lord! You enshrine within my
heart.!

Hanumanji has been blessed with mother Janki to grant to any one any YOGIC
power of eight Sidhis and Nava Nidhis as per choice.

Ram Rasayan Tumhare Pasa,
Sadaa Raho Raghupati Ke Dasa.

Oh Hanumanji! You hold the essence of devotion to RAM, always remaining His
Servant.

Tumhare Bhajan Ramko Pavei.
Janam Janam Ke Dukh Bisravei.

Oh Hanumanji! through devotion to you, one comes to RAM and becames free
from suffering of several lives.

Anta Kaal Raghubar Pur Jai,
Jahan Janma Hari Bhakta Kahai.

After death he enters the eternal abode of Sri Ram and remains a devotee of
him, whenever, taking new birth on earth.

Aur Devata Chitt Na Dharai,
Hanumant Sei Sarva Sukh Karai

You need not hold any other demigod in mind. Hanumanji alone will give all
happiness.

Sankat Kate Mitey Sab Peera,
Jo Sumirei Hanumant Balbeera

Oh Powerful Hanumanji! You end the sufferings and remove all the pain from
those who remember you.

Jai Jai Jai Hanuman Gosai
Kripa Karahu Gurudev Ki Naiee

Hail-Hail-Hail-Lord Hanumanji! I beseech you Honour to bless me in the
capacity of my supreme ‘GURU’ (teacher).

Jo Sat Baar Paath Kar Koi,
Chhutahi Bandi Maha Sukh Hoi.

One who recites this Hanuman Chalisa one hundred times daily for one hundred
days becames free from the bondage of life and death and ejoys the highest
bliss at last.

Jo Yah Padhe Hanuman Chalisa,
Hoy Siddhi Sakhi Gaurisa

As Lord Shankar witnesses, all those who recite Hanuman Chalisa regularly are
sure to be benedicted

Tulsidas Sada Hari Chera,
Keeje Nath Hriday Mah Dera.

Tulsidas always the servant of Lord prays. “Oh my Lord! You enshrine within my
heart.!

Chopai
Pavan Tanay Sankat
Haran, Mangal Murti Roop.
Ram Lakhan Sita Sahit, Hriday Basahu Sur Bhoop.

O Shri Hanuman, The Son of Pavan, Saviour The Embodiment of
blessings, reside in my heart together with Shri Ram, Laxman and Sita

Posted in Hindi, Indian, Information | 15 Comments »

Old Sayings

Posted by @ B H i on August 27, 2006

A first grade teacher gave her students the first half of
some wise sayings and asked the kids to finish the
sayings. Here’s what we get. I thought you might enjoy
them.

“As you shall make your bed so shall you…..mess it up.”

“Better be safe than……punch a 5th grader.”

“Strike while the……bug is close.”

“It’s always darkest before…..daylight savings time.”

“You can lead a horse to water but……..how?”

“Don’t bite the hand that….. looks dirty.”

“A miss is as good as a………Mr.”

“You can’t teach an old dog new…….math.”

“If you lie down with the dogs, you’ll….stink in the
morning.”

“The pen is mightier than the…….. pigs.”

“An idle mind is …..the best way to relax.”

“Where there’s smoke, there’s……. pollution.”

“Happy the bride who…….gets all the presents.”

“A penny saved is………not much.”

“Two’s a company, three’s……….the musketeers.”

“Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry
and……you have to blow your nose.”

“Children should be seen and not…….spanked or
grounded.”

“When the blind leadeth the blind……… get out of the
way.”

Posted in Analysis, Jokes | 2 Comments »

Roles in Indian Heaven :

Posted by @ B H i on August 27, 2006

Brahma
 Systems Installation   

Vishnu
 Systems Administration & Support

 Lakshmi
 Finance and Accounts consultant

  Saraswati
 Training and Knowledge Management

  Shiva
 DBA (Crash Specialist)

  Ganesh
 Quality Assuarance & Documentation

  Narada
 Data transfer

  Yama
 Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant

  Chitragupta
 IDP & Personal Records

  Apsaras
 Downloadable Viruses

  Devas
 Mainframe Programmers

  Surya
 Solaris Administrator

  Rakshasas
 In house Hackers

  Ravan
 ! ;Internet Explorer WWWF

  Kumbhakarnan
 Zombie Process

  Lakshman
 Support Software and Backup

  Hanuman
 Linux/s390

   Vaali
 MS Windows

 Sugreeva
 DOS

  Jatayu
 Firewall

   Dronacharya
 System Programmer

  Vishwamitra
 Sr. Manager Projects

   Shakuni
 Annual appraisal & Promotion

   Valmiki
 Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)

  
Krishna

 SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )

  Dharmaraj Yudhishthira
 ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)

  Arjun
 Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)

   Abhimanyu
 Trainee Programmer

  Draupadi
 Motivation & Team building

  Bhima
 MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM

  Duryodhana
 Microsoft product Written in VB

  Karna
 Contract programmer

  Dhrutarashtra
 Visual C++

   Gandhari
 Dreamweaver

  100 Kauravas
 Microsoft Service Packs and patches

Posted in Analysis, Hindi, Indian, Jokes | Comments Off on Roles in Indian Heaven :

Profile of a Software Engineer (Orkut)… Do read.

Posted by @ B H i on August 27, 2006

About me : I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone!! Ok…I won’t be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (If you know me–> “Just stop laughing!!”)

Relationship status : what?

Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.

Age : 10111

Here for: web browsing in company hours.

Children : can’t be (hey, don’t get me wrong here!!)

Ethnicity : Programmer.

Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101

Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.

Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!

Humor : weekly.

Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag.

Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.

Drinking : The first is this.

Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog.

Living: Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software engineer? Believe me, I am living!!

Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)

Webpage: http://naukri.com , http://jobsahead.com ß – Isnt it Ultimate???

Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.

Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.

Activities: Are you crazy?

Books: “How to lose weight in 20 days?”, “How to live a happy life?”, “101 ways to attract a girl”, “Java Unleashed”, “C++ at your footsteps”, Others censored.

Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.

Tv shows : can’t afford one.

Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meteres of Home

Posted in Jokes | 7 Comments »

Disarmed : PAKISTAN

Posted by @ B H i on August 27, 2006

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon: “I’m sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything.”

=================================================

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you.It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs… I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It’s eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops…Will call back in an hour!

=================================================

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Bush and Vajpayee?”

The barman says “Yep, that’s them.” So the guy walks over and says, “Hello, what are you guys doing?”

Bush says, “We’re planning world war 3”

The guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?”

And Vajpayee says, “Well, we’re going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.”

And the guy exclaimed, “A bicycle repairman?!!!”

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, “See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!”
=================================================

Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?

A: Problem…

Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem…

Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem…

Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?

A: …… Problem Solved!!!

=================================================

A man is! taking a walk in Central parkin New York.

Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.

He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl’s life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: “You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: “Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl”.

The man says: “But I am not a New Yorker!”

Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:

“Brave American saves life of little girl” the policeman answers.

“But I am not an American!” – says the man. Oh, what are you then?”

The man says: “I am a Pakistani!”

The next day the newspapers say: “Extremist kills innocent American dog”.

Posted in Funny, Jokes | 1 Comment »

Quote of the Day

Posted by @ B H i on August 27, 2006

Good judgment is the result of experience … Experience is the result of bad judgment.

Posted in Quotations | Leave a Comment »

Nice JOkes

Posted by @ B H i on August 27, 2006

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against
mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
*****
Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA” shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.
*****
Banta ek sadhu se bola” Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
 upay
batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
*****
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What’ll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I’ll take the money.
*****
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about
u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
*****
Q: How do you recognize Santa’s son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the
board.
*****
Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a
pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call
*****
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
*****
Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?”
Santa: He’s not studying, they are studying him!
*****
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
*****
What’s Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What’s Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi
*****
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes
 first –
the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
*****
Santa (reading from book of facts): “Do you know that every time I
 breathe
a
man dies?” Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash ?”

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