Jokes

Laughter All The Way….

Archive for July, 2006

sholay & infy

Posted by @ B H i on July 23, 2006

Amitabh: Mausi ladka "Infy" mein kaam karta hai...
Mausi: Hai raam...
Amitabh : Aajkal allocated bhi hai...
Mausi: To kya kabhi unallocated ( i.e. bench pe) bhi rahta hai????
Amitabh: Ab C rating waalon ka allocation itni asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi
...

Mausi: To kya C rating bhi aati hai uski????
Amitabh
: PL se ladaai karne ke baad A ya uske upar ki rating to nahin na
milti hai mausi...
Mausi: To kya ladaaku bhi hai????
Amitabh : Ab onsite jaane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi-kabhi anban ...
Mausi: To kya onsite bhi nahin gayaa aaj tak????
Amitabh
: Ab civil engineers ka Visa itni jaldi kahaan lagta hai mausi...
Mausi : To kya ladka civil engineer hai???? Engineering kaun se college
se kiya hai????
Amitabh: Bas uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!!!!!
Amitabh : To kya main rishta pakka samjhun mausi ??

Mausi : Bhale hi hamaari ladki call center waale se shaadi kar le, par
Infy waale se kabhi nahin karegi.......

Posted in Bollywood, Jokes | Leave a Comment »

Things are not always the same…..as they seems to be…

Posted by @ B H i on July 23, 2006

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion’s guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, “Things aren’t always what they seem.”
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they coul! d have a good night’s rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field. The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen?
The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die. “Things aren’t always what they seem,” the older angel replied.
“When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn’t find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead.
Things aren’t always what they seem.”

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don’t turn out the way they should. If y! ou have faith, you just need to trust that every out come is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time later

Oooo
Some people ( )
come into our lives ) /
and quickly go . . (_ /

oooO
( ) Some people
\ ( become friends
\ _) and stay awhile . .
.

leaving beautiful Oooo
footprints on our ( )
hearts ) /
( _/

oooO
( ) and we are
\ ( never
\_ ) quite the same
because we have
made a good friend!!

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That’s why it’s called the present!

I think this is special … live and savor every
moment … This is not a dress rehearsal!

Posted in Jokes, Short Stories | 1 Comment »

sardar ji again

Posted by @ B H i on July 23, 2006

Santa On the Controls
Wahe Guru & Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen: This is your
Captain James’ Santa Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We
apologize  for the two-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather
and some  overtime I had put in at the highway dhaba. This is flight
no.  9211(Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. Landing in Ludhiana is not
guaranteed, but with luck we may even be landing directly on your
village.

Punjab Airways has a unique record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so well known that even fully trained terrorists  and
hijackers are afraid to fly with us.

It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 90% of
our  passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that
don’t  quite make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite
experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly  Kaur
will be happy to  brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
turn  them off for your convenience. To make your free fall to earth
pleasant  and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits.
For our  religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help
you  quickly  find out whether God really exists.

We regret to inform you that today’s in-flight movie will not be
shown  as we forgot to record it from the television. But we will be
flying  right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible
from the  right side cabin windows. These windows have been removed
for  your  viewing convenience. For passengers with sight problems,
we have  also  put a pair of Pinoculars under your seat.
As per the rules, smoking is not allowed on all Punjab Airways
flights over Punjab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the
early  warning  system on the engines telling us to slow down. Life
jackets are  placed  under your seats and free bathing costumes are
made available for  the  aunties and swimming trunks for the uncles,
for emergency water  landings on any of our five rivers.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off
and fasten your belts. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt,
kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those
of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with
Bubbly Kaur for your arrangement to sit on the bathroom seat. If you
do sit there, please do not flush frequently because it may result
in shortage of water we require for your tea. I won’t be flying with
you today because I have to attend to my  nephew’s wedding. But co-
pilot Kaptan Singh will have wireless  access to me in case he needs
flying instructions from time to  time. For an extra 500 rupees or
two tandoori chickens, our  attendant Bubbly Kaur will allow you to
come forward and occupy  the captain’s seat in the cockpit for 5
minutes each, for an  extraordinary view. Thank you once again for
choosing to fly with Punjab Airways.

Posted in Sadar | Leave a Comment »

BLUNDER MADE BY GOOGLE

Posted by @ B H i on July 23, 2006

Please follow the instructions below & enjoy the blunder made by Google.

01. Open http://www.google.co.in
02. Click ‘language tools’ link.
03. Write “Aishwarya’s mom is very nice” in ‘Translate text:’ textbox.
04. Select “English to Spanish” in the below combo.
05. Press Translate and wait for translation.
06. Now copy the translated text from the above text and paste it in the ‘Translate text:’ textbox.
07. Select “Spanish to English” in the below combo.
08. Press Translate and wait for translation.
09. Enjoy.

Posted in Analysis, Funny, NIce Trick | Leave a Comment »

Software Programmer’s Love !!! eNJOY

Posted by @ B H i on July 23, 2006

Mere… Company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain Aur lonely hain…
Problem ye hai ki bus voh READ-ONLY hain…

Shayad mere pyar ko taste Karna bhool gaye…
Dil sey aisa CUT kiya ke PASTE karna bhool gaye..

Tumhare samne hain itney items Kabhi hame bhi pick karo…
Hamare pyar ke ICON pe Kabhi to tum DOUBLE-CLICK karo…

Roz subha hum karte hai Itne pyar se unhe good morning…
Woh humhe ghoor kar dekhte hain Jaise 0 ERRORS but 5 WARNINGS…

Ho gayi galti humse, Click ho gaya mouse
Duniya ki parwaah chhodo, ban jaao meri spouse!

Tumse mila main kal to, Mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili To kehti ho: Your file not found!

Ab aur kaho na tum, “but” ya “if”
Tum ho meri zindagi ki animated gif

Aysa bhi nahin hai ke, I don’t likeyour face
Par dil ke computer mein, Nahin hai enough disk space

Ghar se nikalti ho tum jab, Pehen ke evening gown
Too many requests se, Ho jaata hai server down

Tumhaare liye pyaar ki application, Create main karoonga
Tum usse debug karna, Wait main karoonga

Tumhaara intezaar karte karte, Main so gaya
Yeh dekho mera connection, Time out ho gaya

Kya chaal hai tumhaari, Jaise chalti hai koi cat
What is your ICQ number, Aao karein chat

Tum jabse meri zindagi, mein aayi ho banke female,
Yaad raha na ab kuch, Na postman , Na e-Mail

Joh sadiyaon se hota aaya hai Woh repeat kar doonga…
Tu naa mili to tujhko dil sey Ctrl+Alt+Delete kar doonga…

Humse Kya Khata Hui Ki message Aanna Band Hai…….
Aap hi humse naraz hain ya Web Server band hai…….

Badli hai duniya , kuchch mein bhi badal gaya hoon
Pahle bekaar tha ab S/W Programmer ban gaya hoon

Project extend ho gaya to kya ho jaata hai?
Are Tankha milti hai aur timepass ho jata hai..

teri yaad me sanam raat bhar humne to wine piya
teri yaad me sanam raat bhar humne to wine piya
kabhi offline to kabhi online piya

Pyar ke sitaare jab gardish mein hote hai
Pyar ke sitaare jab gardish mein hote hai
Laila ghar mein aur majnoo project testing kar rahe hote hai

More Collection of great romantic and bewaf Sher aur Sayari at Shayari-e-Azam

Posted in Programmers, Shayari | 2 Comments »

Virus Alert

Posted by @ B H i on July 23, 2006

Hi,

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).
If you receive
WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else, via any means, DO NOT TOUCH IT!! This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as
Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
Update: After extensive testing it has been concluded that
Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may require a more generous application.

Posted in Analysis, Friends, Friends-Fun, Jokes | Leave a Comment »

Delhi to Agra (Very Funny)

Posted by @ B H i on July 23, 2006

Ek din, main Delhi pahuncha,
Station pe ek coolie se bahar jane ka rasta pooncha,
Coolie ne kaha “bahar jaake poocho.”

Maine khud hi rasta doondh liya,
Bahar jaake taxiwale se pooncha,
bhai saab Aagr ka kitna loge?”
jawab mila, “bechna nahi hai..”

taxi chod, maine bus pakad li,
conductor se pooncha, “ji. kya mein cigarette pi sakta hoon?”
wo gurrra kar bola, “hargiz nahi, yaha cigarette pina mana hai.”
Maine kaha, “par wo janab to pi rahe hai!”
Phir se gurrrraya, ” usne mujhse pooncha nahi hai.”

Aagr pahucha, hotel gaya.
Manager se kaha, ” mujhe room chahiye, satve manzil pe.”
Manager ne kaha, “rahane ke liye ya koodne ke liye?”
Room pahucha, waiter se kaha, “ek paani ka gilas milega.”!
Usne jawab diya, ” nahi sahab, yaha to saare kanch ke milte hai.”

Hotel se nikla dost ke ghar jaane ke liye,
Raste me ek sahab se pooncha, “janab, ye sadak kaha ko jaati hai?”
Janab hans kar bole, ” peechle bees saal se dekh rahan hoon, yahi padi hai….kahin nahin jaati”

Dost ke ghar pahucha, to mujhe dekhte hi chownk pada
Usne poocha, “kaise aana hua?”
Ab tak to mujhe bhi aadat pad gayi thi,
Maine bhi jawab diya, “Train se..”

Meri aaobhagat karne ke liye dost ne apni biwi se kaha,
“areeee sunti ho… mera dost pehli baar ghar aaya hai,
uuse kuch taja taja khilao..” sunte hi bhabhiji ne ghar ki sari
khidkiya aur darwaje khol diye.
Kaha, “taji hawa kha lijiye.”

Dost ne phir se badi pyar se biwi se kaha,
“areeee sunti ho.! ..inhe jara apna chalis saal
purana aachar to dikhana.”
Bhabiji ek batli me rakha aachar le aayi, Maine bhi apnapan dikhate hue bhabiji
se kaha, bhabhiji, aachar sirf dikhayengi, chakhayengi nahi….?”
Bhabiji ne taak jawab diya, “yuhi agar sab ko chakhati to
aachar chalis saal purana kaise hota..?”

Thodi der baad dekha, bhabiji apne grandson ko soola rahi thi,
Saath me lori bhi ga rahi thi,
“diploma so ja, diploma so ja.”
Lori sun mein hairaan hua aur dost se poocha,
yaar ye diploma kya hai?”
Dost ne jawab diya, “mere grandson ka naam,
Beti bambai gayi thi, diploma lene ke liye aur saath mein ise le aayi,

isiliye hamne iska naam diploma rakh diya.”
Phir maine pooncha, “aajkal tumhari beti kya kar rahi hai?”
Dost ne jawab diya, “bambai gayi! hai, degree lene ke liye…..”

Posted in Funny, Jokes | 5 Comments »

Time for some male bashing…..

Posted by @ B H i on July 23, 2006

Time for some male bashing…..

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are…

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would
hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????…..

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Q: What’s the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don’t know, I’ve never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn’t ask for directions .

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink…

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no
intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he’s God’s gift?
A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Posted in Analysis, Girls, Jokes | 1 Comment »

santa & banta are back

Posted by @ B H i on July 23, 2006

Santa : What is the meaning of SMS?
Banta : It Means…
S – Sardaro ka
M – Mazaak udane ki
S – Service

Santa was driving car zigzag on the road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Santa: Sir, I am learning the car. Inspector: without instructor? Santa:
Sir, this is a correspondence course.

Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: “Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle
bhi
100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon.”

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa does not turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I am coming daily from 4 days, I press the
bell, but no one comes out.

Santa khali kadahi me chammach chala raha tha to Banta ne poocha kya bana
rahe ho?
Santa- BEWAKOOF bana raha hoon..

Posted in Sadar | Leave a Comment »

ANS MY Q. ITS A CHALLANGE

Posted by @ B H i on July 23, 2006

Aap train mein ja rahe ho Aapke Samne 2 Log bethe hai Jo ek aurat or ek admi hai, na to maa beta hai, na woh pati patni hai, na wo bhai behen hai to aap ne pucha ki aapka ris h ta kya hai, usne kaha ki iska sasur aur mera sasur dono bap beta hai. reply must i want to see how much time u will take to solve it. ur time start now……………..

Posted in Quiz | 4 Comments »