Jokes

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Archive for February, 2007

God’s Cake…….soooooo meaningful

Posted by @ B H i on February 26, 2007

Sometimes we wonder, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why did God have to do this to me?” Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her mother how everything is going wrong, she’s failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, “Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.”

“Here, have some butter,” her mother offers.
“Yuck” says her daughter.
“How about a couple of raw eggs?”
“Gross, Mom!”
“Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?”
“Mom, those are all yucky!”
To which the mother replies: “Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! ”

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful! He loves you…. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. He gives you even stars at night. Whenever you want to talk, He’ll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chooses your heart.

I hope your day is a “piece of cake!” (“,)

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Posted in Information, Life, Random Thoughts | Leave a Comment »

See the guts!

Posted by @ B H i on February 26, 2007

On a ship, the Project managers of three diff companies belonging to 3 different nations were traveling with their Trainee guys. They started an argument on whose Trainee engineer had more guts.

The American PM called for one of his men and told him to jump off and take a round swimming around the moving ship. The Trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted of by saying, “See the guts!”

Now the German PM called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds around the moving ship. The Trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the German PM said, “See the guts!”

Now the Indian PM called out for his most Courageous man And asked him to take five similar rounds. The Trainee promptly replied, “Tere baap ka naukar hoon kya??? “The PM proudly said, “See the guts!” ;-))

“There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations……

Posted in Funny, Girls, Humor, Indian, Information, Jokes, Office | Leave a Comment »

WHAT IS MARRIAGE???

Posted by @ B H i on February 26, 2007

1. Marriage is not a word.

It’s a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus:

engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can’t face each other, but they still  stay together.

19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the “Y” becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right; I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

22. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.

25. WIFE: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN’T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

28. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

29. A man inserted an ad in the paper – WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing – YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing – either the car is new or the wife is.

Posted in Analysis, Funny, Girls, Humor, Jokes, Life, Love, Marriage | Leave a Comment »

Salary this month = 100 kisses

Posted by @ B H i on February 26, 2007

Husband Letter to Wife

Dear Sweetheart:

I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.

You are my sweetheart.

Your husband
Allen….

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1.. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.

2.. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.

3.. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three
kisses instead of the rent.

4.. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items………..

5.. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don’t worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise !!!

Your Sweet Heart

Ann

Posted in Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Girls, Humor, Jokes, Love, Marriage, NIce Trick | Leave a Comment »

Thought of The Day

Posted by @ B H i on February 26, 2007

People are made to be Loved and Things are made to be used, but there is so much confusion in the world ‘coz people are being used & things are being loved

Posted in Quotations, Random Thoughts | 1 Comment »

General Knowledge very gud one

Posted by @ B H i on February 26, 2007

Who was the first Indian Woman to fly Abroad ?
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guess
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Sita with Rawan…………

Posted in Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Girls, Indian, Information, NIce Trick, Quiz | Leave a Comment »

Sardar Jokes

Posted by @ B H i on February 26, 2007

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing
is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!
************************************************************
Sardar: I haven’t slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn’t u exchange?
Sardar: Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..
************************************************************
A Sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss.
Do you know what the business was?
He opened a Hair Cutting Saloon in Punjab!
*************************************************************
Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again had twins & named Max & Climax.
Again the same! Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!
*************************************************************
19 SARDARS WENT for A FILM.ON ASKING THEM WHY THEY CAME IN A BIG
GROUP OF 19?
THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR PEOPLE ABOVE 18…
**************************************************************
Sardar standing below a tube light with an open
mouth…………….. WHY?
Because his doctor advised him “Tonight’s dinner should be light”
**************************************************************
Sardar was filling up application form for a job. He was not
sure as to what to be filled in column “Salary Expected”.
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
**************************************************************
SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF –
I SARDAR, SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY!
**************************************************************
One Sardar professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking…
**************************************************************
Postman: – I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: – why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it….
***************************************************************
What does a Sardar do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
***************************************************************
WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.
****************************************************************
A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. Judge
asked:
How’ll U divide, U”VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We’ll apply NEXT YEAR
*****************************************************************

Posted in Funny, Humor, Jokes, Sadar | Leave a Comment »

Joke

Posted by @ B H i on February 26, 2007

A man boards a Jet Airways airplane Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat.
As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realizes she’s heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks “Business trip or vacation?”
She turns, smiles, and says, “Business. I’m going to the annual Sexologists Convention.”
He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she’s a sexologist!
Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, “What’s your business role at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she says, “I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he says, swallowing hard. “What m-m-m-myths are those?”
Well,” she explains, “one popular myth is that Negro men are the best endowed when, in fact, it’s the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the Bengali.
However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardarji.”
Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I shouldn’t be discussing this with you. I don’t even know your name!”
“Venkatraman!” the man blurts. “TS Venkatraman Mukherjee! But my friends call me Santa Singh!”

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Sardar M.B.B.S

Posted by @ B H i on February 26, 2007

Once, a Sardar applied to Medical School . Needless to say, he never made it..

These are the answers he gave…

ANTIBODY – against everyone

ARTERY – the study of fine paintings

BACTERIA – back part of a cafeteria

CAESARIAN SECTION – a district in Rome

CARDIOLOGY – advanced study of playing cards

CAT SCAN – searching for lost kitty

CHRONIC – neck of a crow

COMA – punctuation mark

DIAGNOSIS – person with a slanted nose

DILATE – the late Welsh princess

GALLBLADDER – bladder in a girl

GENES – blue denim

HERNIA – she is close by

HYMEN – greeting to several males

IMPOTENT – distinguished, well-known

LABOR PAIN – hurt at work

LACTOSE – person without digits on the foot

LIPOSUCTION – a French kiss

LYMPH – walk unsteadily

MICROBES – small dressing gowns

OBESITY – city of Obe

SECRETION – hiding anything

TABLET – small table

ULTRASOUND – radical noise

Posted in Funny, Humor, Jokes, Sadar | Leave a Comment »

Munna Bhai MCA

Posted by @ B H i on February 23, 2007

“MunnaBhai MCA

appun jaise tappori s/w Engg. ko kya maalum…

saala programming kis chidiya kaa naam hai…

template me subclassing karke apanaa timepass hota hai….

copy paste kaa kaam miltaa hai bass appun khush…!!!

fir yeh coding kaa lafdaa locha kaiko?

are kaiko ?

arre kaiko re?

fir ek din boleto appun ko project mila…..

ya haaaaaaaaaa!!!!

!

saala appun ka khopdi chakkar kha gaya …

computer ke saath dil saala takkar kha gayaa…!!!

appun ko lagaa appun kaa beda paar ho gaya…

boleto baap saala appun ko bhi kaam mil gaya…!!!

din bhar appun computer ke aagge…

koi lafdaa nahi kuch nahi…

tin din naa Kapil se raada na Jassi se pangaa

bass choop chaap…

appun kaa bhidulog saala dar gaya…

bola kya be manya saala tu bhi programmer bann gaya…!!!

phir ek din appun ko kaam kartaa dekh Manish bola…

ye mannubhai kya coding bana rela hai baap…!!!

Manish ko pakdaa… bola idhar aa shahane tereko coding seekhataa hai…
saale ko itnaa dhoyaa itnaa dhoyaa… abhi tak thobdaa waakadaa hai … aur
aaj tak uska forms ke saath chattis kaa aakdaa hai…!!!

samzaa …?

samzaa…?

samzaaa naa…?

(fir …? fir kya huwa..?)

fir ek din appun ne coding poora kar diya…

form poora karke appun ne testing ko bhej diya…!!!

lagataa tha ab appun kaa kaam khatam ho gaya…!!!

par DTS me issues dekhake sala appun darr gaya…!!!

appun ke saamne tester ne mere coding me ki galtiyaa nikali… aapun ke
coding ki poori waat laga di…. appun udharich khadaa thaa… par appun
kuch nahi bola… kaiko bolega? kaiko…?

saala ek, ek kaam kiya thaa… usme bhi itne bugs…

par appun ek aansu nahi roya…

kaiko royega…?

kaiko..?

saala appunich yedaa thaa naa…!!!

agale din se phir wohi life chalu…

wohi gande mails forward karnaa, wohi messages, wohi template, wohi
assignments… saala itnaa mails forward kiya…itnaa mails forward kiya…
log samze mail server down hoyega… bhoolneka hai bhoolneka hai par kya
karega…!!!

training milke bhi jab kaam nahi miltaa hai…

haa thoda bore huwa par chaltaa hai…

(phir …? phir kya huwa..?)

fir …?

fir kya…?

fir agale din appun ko aur ek project mila…!!!

shaappak…

saala appun ka khopdi phir chakkar kha gaya …

computer ke saath dil saala phir takkar kha gayaa…!!!

ho ho ho hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

“Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled…..”

Posted in Bollywood, Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Humor, Indian, Jokes | 5 Comments »