Ten Commandments

Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say; talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man
speaks and the woman listens. In the second year,the woman  speaks and the
man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one
thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts  when
they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you
say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a
good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat
husbands like toxic waste.

Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished

Great Road Sign….

# Sign on a railway station at Patna:

Aana free, jaana free,

pakde gaye to khana free.

 

# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:

Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here.

She may be your grandmother!

 

# Seen on a bulletin board:

Success is relative

More the success, more the relatives.

 

# Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay:

we need your heads to run our business.

 

# A traffic slogan:

Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough – or else they

 

never will be…..

 

 

#THE BEST ONE:

Its God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorist

 

organizations

 

It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting between

 

them and god.”

 

– Indian Armed Forces

 

Punjabi Girls

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given
their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from New Delhi
, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes
and house cleaning.
He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean
house and the dishes were done.

The second man had married a woman from Bombay .
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the
cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the first day he didn’t see any
results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was
clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Punjabi girl. He boasted that he told her
that
her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed,
laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the
first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything but
by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a
little out of his left eye.

Why do boys go to temples????

Q: Why do boys goes to temples?
Becoz temple is the only place where u can find..

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

Pooja

Bhawna

Shraddha

Aarti

Archana

Aradhana

Shanti

Jyoti

……….

…….

… AND

Finally…..TRIPTI…..

Lafz……… (My dream world)

*Zuban Hi Sirf Ek Zaria Nahi,
JoAaap Shabdon Ko Samajh Paayenge.
kabhi Aankhon Mein Jhaank Kar Dekhiye,
Hazaro Alfaz Khud B Khud Bikhar Jayenge.
*
* *
*Dil Ko Adat Si Ho Gai Hai
Chot Khane Ki,
Bhigi Palko Ke Sang Muskrane Ki,
Kash Anjam Hum Pehle Se Jaan Jate,
To Kosish Bhi Nahi Karte Dil Lagane Ki. *
**
*Khamosh Raat Ke Pehalu Mein Sitare Nahi Hote,
In Rukhi Aankho Me Rangin Nazare Na Hote…
Ham Bhi Na Karte Parwah Aap Ki*
*Agar Aap Itne Pyare Na Hote..*
* *
*Khud Ko Khud Ki Khabar Na Lage,
Koi Achha B Is Kadar Na Lage,
Aap Ko Dekha Hai Bas Us Nazar Se,
Jis Nazar Se Aap Ko Nazar Na Lage…*
* *
*Jub Khamosh Aankho Se Baat Hoti Hai
Aise Hi Mohabbat Ki Suruwat Hoti Hai
Tumhare Hi Khayalo Mein Khoye Rehte Hain
Pata Nahi Kab Din Kab Raat Hoti Hai*
**

More Collection of great romantic and bewaf Sher aur Sayari at Shayari-e-Azam
*Dil Gumsum, Jubaan Khamosh
Ye Aankhein Aaj Yu Nam Kyu Hai
Jise Kabhi Paya Hi Na Tha ,
Unhe Aaj Khone Ka Gum Kyu Hai*
* *
*Chand Lamho Ki Zindgani Hai,
Nafrato Se Jiya Nahi Karte,
Lagta Hai Ab Dushmano Se Gujarish Karni Padegi…
Kyun Ki Dost To Yaad Kiya Nahi Karte… *

What is your japanese name?

So, whats your  japanese name? Take each letter of your name and

substitute

it with the japanese  sound to the right of the letter. Names might be

kinda long.

 

A- ka * B- tu * C- mi * D- te * E-  ku * F- lu * G- ji

H- ri * I- ki * J- zu * K- me * L- ta * M- rin *

N- to  O-mo * P- no * Q- ke * R- shi * S- ari * T-chi U- do *

V- ru * W-mei * X- na  * Y- fu * Z- zi

 

Write ur name and  send it to ur friends to see their reaction towards

their name…[Amlan Chatterjee]  It’s fun…..

 

JAPANESE  NAMES:

Lion catching in companies…. – INFY’s style…

Cognizant Method:

hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.

give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.

hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit

give them same gobi 65 to eat

hire 200 more……. and more …….

 

TCS method:

 

hire a lion

give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary

lion dies of hunger and frustration

 

 

IBM’s metbod:

 

hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …

he dies of unemployment…

 

Syntel Method:-

 

Hire a Cat …

assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and

make sure that he never reaches onsite.

Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….

 

MBT method:

 

hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score 60% he will lose the job.

lion dies of the strain?

 

i-Flex method:

 

hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari

for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes

alive he will get band movement (promotion)

holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

 

COSL Method:

 

hire a lion .

tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance…

lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat….

 

Polaris Method :

 

hire ..sorry….purchase a lion(COSL) ..

change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM )

cut down his allowance (coupons etc)

lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..

 

 

Patni method:

 

hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…

the lion dies before joining….

 

 

Wipro Method:

Hire a Lion,

give him a mail Id.

he will die recieving stupid mails all day……..!!!!

 

Accenture Method:

 

Hire a lion….

Send him to chennai

Ask him to stay on bench for a long time

Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada

No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL…

No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls

And say him “Go Ahead be a Tiger”.

Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion……

 

HUAWEI Method:

 

Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion…

Give him work of 3 Lions

Tell him to work late and even on weekends…

No time for food and family, automatically die

 

 THE       LAST   BUT     NOT     THE         LEAST

INFOSYS METHOD:

HIRE A LION…..

SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE

……………………………………………KING OF THE JUNGLE! J

MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM

……………………………….……LION TURNS INTO CAT

MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM

……………………………………….….CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE

SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG

……………………………………MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!

SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS

…………………………………………MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE…

The Times of India – Headlines Dated 01/Jan/2020

1.   President Sonia Gandhi & Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi receive Italy Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi at airport!!!

2.  This is my last film – Rajnikant.

3.  I’ll surely enter in to Indian Team – Ganguly.

4.  Salman, Vivek, Abhishek attend (Ashiwarya Rai -Dhoni) wedding.

5. “Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi” completes 25000th Episode. Tulsi virani becomes Great Great Great Great Grand-Mother. And the best part, baa is still alive!!!!

JOKES.

Man was smoking in a bus. Conductor: No Smoking ka board nahin dikhta ?

Man: Uske side mein ‘Always Wear Condom’ ka board hai, ab vo bhi laga ke baithoon?

—————————-

Ek sawaal: Duniya ka sabse mushkil kaam kya hai?

Jawaab: Soye huye pappu par condom chadhaana

—————————–

Jab tumahara rape hua to tumne kya mehsoos kiya?

Girl: Ladoo agar zabardasti bhi khilaya jaye to bhi lagta to meetha hi hai

—————————–

A lady from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?

Bananawala: Memsaab Aath mein Bara

Lady: Saat mein Tera deta hai to oopar aaja

—————————–

Taxi driver: Mam, u r the 3rd pregnant lady whom I’m dropping to Airport today

Lady: But I’m not pregnant

Driver: But we hvn’t reached airport yet

—————————–

Condom to whisper: Bloody every month u stop my business for one week

Whisper: If u make a mistake I lose my business for 9 months

—————————–

Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khuli dekh Ladkiyan zor se hasne lagi

Masterji bole: Zyada hehe ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga

—————————–

Why is golf called a wrong game?

Coz u hold a stick n put the ball in the hole instead of holding the ball n putting the stick in the hole

Mast trick.

If you are interested in a girl, How u will get to know that too girl is interested in you……

1.  US LADKI KE PEECHE JAAO, CHUPCHAP, BINA SHOR MACHAYE, SHANTI SE.

2.  ACHANAK USKE PEECHE JAA KAR SHOR MACHAOOO….of course wo darr jayegi……

3.  DARR KE WO PALAT KAR DEKHEGI,  AGAR WO PALAT KAR HASI TO SAMAJH LO AAPKA KAAM HO GAYA…….TO AAPKO KEHNA HAI …..AAJ SHAAM KO KYA KAR RAHI HO ?

4.  DARR KE WO PALAT KAR DEKHEGI, AGAR USNE PALAT KAR GUSSE SE DEKHA….TO AAPKO KEHNA HAI ……  DIDI DARR GAYI, DIDI DAR GAYI, DIDI DAR GAYI…..