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Archive for the ‘Windows’ Category

Good Morning : HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

Posted by @ B H i on February 21, 2007

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HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your PC .

2. Name it ” Boss

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, “Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?”

6. Answer calmly, “Yes,” and press the mouse button firmly….

7.  Feel better?

HAVE A NICE DAY

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Posted in Enjoy Life, Funny, Humor, Software, Windows, wishes and hopes | 10 Comments »

My new year resolution for 2007

Posted by @ B H i on January 12, 2007

Dear Friends,

 

 

 

This is my resolution for the year 2007 ……

This is my resolution for the year 2007 ……

MyResolution for this Year 1024 by 768 pixels!!!!!!
Whats yours ?? 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

resolution-2007.jpg

 

 

My Resolution for this Year 1024 by 768 pixels!!!!!!
Whats yours ??
🙂

Posted in Current Issues, Friends, Funny, Happy New Year, Holidays & Celebrations, Software, Windows | 1 Comment »

Technically correct but a completely useless answer

Posted by @ B H i on December 16, 2006

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it,  circled, and held up a
handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?”
in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the
aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.Their sign
said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer
to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the
copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

“I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building , because they gave me a
technically correct but completely useless answer .”

Posted in Analysis, Funny, Jokes, Windows | 6 Comments »

Close Outlook from your home

Posted by @ B H i on December 15, 2006

Problem Situation:

Friday night in the comforts of your home. Looking ahead for a happy weekend.

You suddenly remember that you are going to receive an important mail from onsite, on Friday EOD their time i.e. Saturday morning our time, for which you have to reply. The contents of the mail is not the problem.

You know you could reply in your comforts of your home using webaccess.

The Big Bang. You forgot to close Outlook and the mail will sink into your PST. 😦

Solution 1:
Go to office first thing on Saturday morning just to close outlook or reply to the mail if it has already arrived.

Solution 2:
Send an email on Friday night to your own email ID, which is preconfigured to close Outlook in your machine.

Cool…right?… So how do you do it?

Open Notepad
Type “tskill outlook”         //without the quotes
Save it as closeoutlook.bat, in a secure location

Open Outlook
Go to Tool-> Rules and Alerts
Choose “New Rule”
In the “Rules Wizard” popup choose “Start from a blank rule”. Leave the default option of “Check message when they arrive”. Click Next.
Tick “with specific words in the subject or body”. Click on “specific words” at the window and type a text like “kindlyclosemyoutlook”. Click Next.
In the new options pane, tick “start application”. Choose the “closeoutlook.bat” file by browsing. By default it will show only *.exe files I the browse panel. Choose all files to view your file.
Click Next and then Finish.
Voila! You are done.

Test it by sending a mail to yourself with the text “kindlyclosemyoutlook” in your mail subject or body.
Enjoy Happy Weekends Ahead!!!

Posted in NIce Trick, Office, Programmers, Windows | Leave a Comment »

Happy Diwali through Internet Explorer Trick

Posted by @ B H i on October 20, 2006

Open the Internet explorer Copy the above code and paste it in address bar of the browser.

javascript:function flood(n) {if (self.moveBy) {for (i = 15; i > 0; i–){for (j = n; j > 0; j–){self.moveBy(1,i);self.moveBy(i,0);self.moveBy(0,-i);self.moveBy(-i,0); } } }} flood(6);{ var inp = ” hgniS kehsihbA morF .ecnavda ni ilawiD yppaH ,iH”;var outp = “”; for (i = 0; i <= inp.length; i++) { outp = inp.charAt (i) +outp ; } alert(outp) ;}; reverse();

Posted in Diwali, Internet Links, Software, Windows | 1 Comment »

Happy Diwali through Internet Explorer Trick

Posted by @ B H i on October 20, 2006

Open the Internet explorer Copy the above code and paste it in address bar of the browser.

javascript:function flood(n) {if (self.moveBy) {for (i = 15; i > 0; i–){for (j = n; j > 0; j–){self.moveBy(1,i);self.moveBy(i,0);self.moveBy(0,-i);self.moveBy(-i,0); } } }} flood(6);{ var inp = ” hgniS kehsihbA morF .ecnavda ni ilawiD yppaH ,iH”;var outp = “”; for (i = 0; i <= inp.length; i++) { outp = inp.charAt (i) +outp ; } alert(outp) ;}; reverse();

Posted in Internet Links, Software, Windows | 1 Comment »

Why Computers Sometimes Crash! By Dr. Seuss.

Posted by @ B H i on October 10, 2006

(You gotta read this one out loud)

 

I f a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted
At a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk
Abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

 

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking
Icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index
Doesn’t hash, then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

 

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is
Connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to
Another protocol, that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

 

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons
In the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out
With a bang, ‘cuz sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang.

 

When the copy on your floppy’s getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code
Instructions are causing unnecessary risk, then you’ll have to flash the memory
And you’ll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be
Sure to tell your Mom!

 

Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?

Posted in Funny, Software, Windows | Leave a Comment »

Why Computers Sometimes Crash! By Dr. Seuss.

Posted by @ B H i on October 10, 2006

(You gotta read this one out loud)

 

I f a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted
At a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk
Abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

 

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking
Icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index
Doesn’t hash, then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

 

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is
Connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to
Another protocol, that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

 

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons
In the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out
With a bang, ‘cuz sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang.

 

When the copy on your floppy’s getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code
Instructions are causing unnecessary risk, then you’ll have to flash the memory
And you’ll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be
Sure to tell your Mom!

 

Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?

Posted in Funny, Software, Windows | Leave a Comment »

Tech Support

Posted by @ B H i on July 4, 2006

A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that this computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later

the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our
Customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.

Posted in Windows | Leave a Comment »

TO BE A MILLIONAIRE

Posted by @ B H i on July 3, 2006

A jobless man applied for the position of “office boy” at Microsoft. The  HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. “You are employed.”

He said.” Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.”

The man replied “But I don’t have a computer, neither an email.”
I’m sorry”, said the HR manager, “If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”

The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this
Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US . He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, “I don’t have an email”. The broker answered curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!”

The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!”

Moral of the story:

M1 – Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 – If you don’t have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 – If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy,
than a millionaire……….

Have a great day!!!

Pls Note: – Do not forward this email to me back, I’m closing all my email addresses & going to sell tomatoes!!!

Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!!!

Posted in Windows | 2 Comments »