Jokes

Laughter All The Way….

Archive for January, 2007

Funny…

Posted by @ B H i on January 30, 2007

Bengali

One Bengali = poet.

 

Two Bengalis = a film society.

 

Three Bengalis = political party.

 

Four Bengalis = two political parties.

 

More than four Bengali’s = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team .

 

Bihari

 

One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.

 

Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.

 

Three Biharis = caste killing.

 

Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna …

 

Punjabi

 

One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.

 

Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.

 

Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.

 

Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Funny, Humor, Jokes | 2 Comments »

Profile of a Software Engineer

Posted by @ B H i on January 30, 2007

About me: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone!! Ok…I won’t be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (If you know me “Just stop laughing!!”)

Relationship status : what?
Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.

Age : 10111
Here for: web browsing in company hours.

Children : can’t be (hey, don’t get me wrong here!!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.

Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.

Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!
Humor : weekly.

Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag.
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.

Drinking : The first is this.
Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog. ūüôā

Living: Come on, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software engineer? Believe me, I am living!!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)

Webpage: http://naukri. com, http://jobsahead. com, http://monster.com * – Isn’t it Ultimate???

Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.

Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities: Are you crazy?

Books: “How to lose weight in 20 days?”, “How to live a happy life?”, “101 ways to attract a girl”, “Java Unleashed”, “C++ at your footsteps”, Others censored.
Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.

TV shows : can’t afford one.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, burgers and anything available for FREE within 200 meters of my cubicle….

Posted in Analysis, Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Humor, Jokes, Office | 1 Comment »

Answers

Posted by @ B H i on January 30, 2007

These are answers, some students have written in¬† their exams…

* A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants  to go.

* The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon.
All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the  moon, and nature abhors  a vacuum.

I  forget where the sun joins in this fight.

* When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not  breathe, you expire.

* Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils  while others preferred  to be oil.

* Clouds are high flying fogs.

* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the  clouds know how to do it,  and that is the important thing.

* Clouds just keep circling the earth around and  around. And around. There  is not much else to do.

* Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a  dogs tongue will kill  the strongest man.

* Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

* “Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and¬† Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.¬† Hydrogin is gin and¬† water.”

* “H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.”

* “Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes,¬† and caterpillars.”

* “Dew is¬† formed on leaves when the sun shines down¬† on them¬† and makes them¬† perspire.”

* “The body consists of three parts – the brainium,¬† the borax and the¬† abominable cavity.

The brainium contains the brain,¬† the borax contains the¬† heart and lungs, and¬† the abominable cavity contains¬† the bowels, of which¬† there are five – a, e,i, o and u.”

* “The alimentary canal is located in the northern¬† part of¬† Indiana .”

* “Equator: A managerie lion running around the¬† Earth through Africa ..”

* “Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”

* “To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the¬† cow.”

Posted in Analysis, Information | 1 Comment »

Sometimes pictures say more than words……………………

Posted by @ B H i on January 30, 2007

WOW – THIS MAKES YOU PUT THINGS INTO

 

PERSPECTIVE

 

 

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So, plz be happy Always for

 

 

 

 

what u have!

 

 

 

Posted in Analysis, Current Issues, Enjoy Life, Information, Life | 3 Comments »

Great Story..ZAhar of the day!

Posted by @ B H i on January 30, 2007

This is a true story of a young college girl who passed away last month. Her
name was Priya. She was hit by a lorry. She has a boy friend named Shankar.
Both of them are true lovers. They always hang on the phone. You can never
see her without her handphone. In fact she also changed her phone from
Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the
cost.

She spends half of the day talking with shankar. Priya’s family knows about
their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya’s family. (just imagine
their love) . Before she passed away she always told her friends “If I pass
away please burn me with my handphone” she also said the same thing to her
parents.

After her death, people cant carry her coffin, I was there. A lot of them
tried to do so but still cant , everybody including me, had tried to carry
the coffin, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called their
neighbour, a “bomoh” from Thailand (pak Darin), who is a friend of her
father. He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few
minutes, he said “this girl misses something here”. then her friends told
Darin about her intentions to burn her with her phone. He then opened the
coffin and place her phone and SIM card inside the casket. after that they
tried to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the
van easily. All of us were shocked. (can u feel the fear. I’m shaking at
this moment)

Priya’s parents did not inform Shankar that Priya had passed away. After 2
weeks Shankar called Priya’s mom. Shankar :….”Atte, I’m coming home today.
Cook something nice for me. Dont tell Priya that I’m coming home today, i
wanna surprise her.” Her mother replied…..”You come home first, i wanna
tell you something very important.” after he came, they told him the truth
about Priya.

Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said “dont
try to fool me – tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her Please stop
this nonsense”. then they show him the original death certificate to him.
They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat) ..

He said… “Its not true. we spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Shankar
was shaking. Suddenly, Shankar’s phone rang. “see this is from Priya, see
this…” he showed the phone to priya’s family. all of them told him to
answer.he talked using the loudspeaker mode. all of them heard his
conversation.

Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of Priya
& there is no way others could use her SIM card since it is nailed inside
the coffin they were so shocked and asked for pak Darin’s help again. pak
Darin brought his master (tok Chen) to solve this matter. He & Darin worked
for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing…
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

HUTCH has the best coverage ūüôā

Wherever you go, our network follows!!!!

Hee hee .. even I went nuts reading this .. y spare u ?

Posted in Poor Jokes | 2 Comments »

Brilliant…gud one!!

Posted by @ B H i on January 30, 2007

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct‚Ķ‚Ķleaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”

Posted in Funny, Humor, Jokes | 1 Comment »

Happy Republic Day…

Posted by @ B H i on January 29, 2007

 

Happy Republic Day

 

 

VANDE MATARAM

 

Jai Hind

 

 

 

Happy Republic Day

 

 

26th January, 2007

 

image0021.gif

Posted in Current Issues, Indian, Information | 6 Comments »

Microwaved water and other liquids : Must read

Posted by @ B H i on January 29, 2007

A 26-year old decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before). One is not sure how long he set the timer for, but he wanted to¬† bring the water to¬†¬† a boil. When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup, he noted that the water was not boiling, but¬† instantly the water in the cup “blew up” into his face. The cup remained¬† intact until he threw it out of his hand but all the water had flown out into his face due¬† to the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st¬† and 2nd degree burns to his face,¬† which may leave scarring. He also may have lost partial sight in¬† his left eye.

General Electric’s (GE) response:

Thanks for contacting us. I will be happy to assist you. The e-mail that you received is correct. Microwaved water and other liquids do¬† not always bubble when they reach the boiling point. They can actually get superheated and not bubble at all. The superheated liquid will bubble up out of the cup when it is moved or when something like aspoon or tea bag is put into it. To prevent this from happening and causing injury, do not heat any liquid for more than two minutes per cup. After heating, let the cup stand in the microwave for thirty seconds before moving it or adding anything into it.¬† If you pass this on … you could very well save someone from a lot of pain and suffering.

Posted in Analysis, Information | Leave a Comment »

Ultimate Bheja Fry

Posted by @ B H i on January 29, 2007

I’ll not be responsible for your state of mind after reading this PJ. So
read at your on risk.

Question : What is the opposite of Achaar…
….
….
….
….
….
….
No, nooo..  its not Vichaar

….
…..
….
….
Socho Socho
….
….
….

…..
Chalo hum batate hain…
….
….
….

….
Opposite of Achaar is Onion

Par Kaisse????

Aise :: Achaar = Pickle = pee-kal
Opposite of Pee-kal is Pee-aaj = peeaaaj == Onion….Hence proved!!!!

I know what is going in your head now..Wanna kill me ???????????

Posted in Indian, Poor Jokes | 8 Comments »

Thought of The Day

Posted by @ B H i on January 29, 2007

It’s Called Mindset

As I was passing the elephants,

I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg.

No chains, no cages.

It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not.

I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

“Well,” he said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them.

As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

I was amazed.

These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

Think Again … Make things possible

Posted in Information, Life | 1 Comment »