Jokes

Laughter All The Way….

Archive for April, 2007

Abhishek and Aishwarya in Balaji Tirumala

Posted by @ B H i on April 24, 2007

Abhishek Bachan and Aishwarya Rai Bachan in Balaji Tirumala for Balaji Blessing

image001.jpg

image011.jpg

image012.jpg

Read the rest of this entry »

Advertisements

Posted in Bollywood, Celebs, Current Issues, Girls, Indian, Love, Marriage | 22 Comments »

Good one …..

Posted by @ B H i on April 14, 2007

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying “Hi, we’re hot. Do you want a date?”

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed. “But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.

My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.”

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest’s house.

The priest’s two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking Parrots, and the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re hot. Do you want a date?”

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, “Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!”

Posted in Analysis, Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Girls, Humor, Jokes, NIce Trick | 2 Comments »

What is love…

Posted by @ B H i on April 14, 2007

A student asks a teacher, “What is love?”
The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the wheat
field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back
to pick.”
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat,
but he wonders….may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one… but may be there is an even bigger
one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts to
realise that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he
knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teacher
told him, “…this is love… you keep looking for better ones, but
when later you realise, you have already missed the person.

Posted in Analysis, Information, Love, NIce Trick, School-College, Self Awareness | 7 Comments »

Funny Abbrevation

Posted by @ B H i on April 14, 2007

JEE – Jehadic Entrance Examination

IIT – Islamic Institute of Terrorism

IIM – Institute of Infiltration Management

CAT – Career in Alqaida & Taliban

IAS – Iraq after Saddam

M Tech – Masters in Terror Technology

GATE – General Aptitude in Terror and Extremism

TOEFL – Test of Extremist Foreign Languages

GRE – Graduate in Relocation Extremism

MBBS – Master of Bomb Blasting Strategies

MBA – Master of Bombing Administration

Posted in Analysis, Enjoy Life, Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Humor, Indian, Information, Jokes, Life, NIce Trick | 7 Comments »

This is How INDIAN farmers are…….Very Clever… :)

Posted by @ B H i on April 14, 2007

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural area. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied. “This is my property, and your not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer replied. “I’m one of the best trial lawyers in the city, and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything that you own.
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Villages. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the Three Kick Rule?”
The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up.”
The Lawyer agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to the Lawyer. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin, which dropped him to his knees.
His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.
The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn’t.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old tossed, now it’s my turn.”
The old farmer smiled and said,
“Now, I give up, You can keep the duck!”

Posted in Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Humor, Indian, Information, Jokes | Leave a Comment »

“MUST READ” May I know the time please?!

Posted by @ B H i on April 14, 2007

May I know the time please?!

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?

Old Man: Certainly not.

Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,
if you tell me the time?

Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the
time.

Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?

Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will
definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will
ask me the time.

Young Man:
Quite possible.

Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you
will ask my name and address.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you
were just passing by and came into wish me.
Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea.
After my courteous approach you will try to come
again.
This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made
it.?

Young Man: Possible

Old Man: made itThen I will tell you that my daughter
has and I will then
have to introduce my young and
pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.

Young Man: Smiles. 😉

Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter

again and again. You will offer her to go out for a
movie together and a date with you.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start

waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall
in love with her and propose her for marriage.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and
tell
me about your love and ask for my permission.

Young Man: Oh Yes! and smiles

Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my
Daughter to a person like you who does not even own a
Watch

Posted in Analysis, Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Girls, Humor, Indian, Information, Jokes, Love, Marriage, NIce Trick, Office | 2 Comments »

Chaman Bhai..

Posted by @ B H i on April 14, 2007

Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai..

Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle Chaman Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai….

Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game bajayi hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey hain…

Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se, style mein, us sey baat karta hai… kuch is tarah se…

Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai?

Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai.

Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein?

Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi.

Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey hua?

Mujrim : Abhi kya na… Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liye aaya…

Chaman : Phir ?

Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha… aur utney mein samney wali building pe apun ki nazar gayi…

Chaman : Aage bol

Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke liye..

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko…. to apun builidng ke neeche gaya

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya… apun seedi chadte yehich sochrela tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol

Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola…. kya kaam hai.. kaiko ishara kiya apun ko?

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech liya

Chaman : (Excited) Phir ?

Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Aagey bol

Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya

Chaman : Accha… Phir?

Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Phir kya tha… Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de

Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ?

Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne a! pna duppata neechey gira diya

Chaman : To phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mommey (boobs) they saali ke…lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega….. zyada boli to body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka…. Aakhir, “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Toh phir ?

Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya…. sacchi bolta hai bhai aisi katil jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha.

Chaman : Haan, woh to hai…. Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up)

Mujrim : Phir kya tha…. apun ne kiss kiya, mommey (boobs) bhi dabaya…. lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Aagey bol ?

Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Aagey aagey ?

Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di

Chaman : sahi mein?

Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li

Chaman : Accha ?

Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya

Chaman : oh !!

Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha “Chaman Bhai k! a area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : (Getting frustrated)..

Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi

Chaman : (Half Boiling)

Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi….. phir bhi apun yehi soch raha tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey… aagey bol saley….

Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii…..lekin bhai kasam se……main yehi soch raha tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman: Abey teri to…. Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Chudaney….. tu aage bol !

Mujrim : Yehich…… yehich – apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai…..aur game baja dala.!!!

Posted in Adult, Awesome, Doublespeak, Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Girls, Humor, Indian, Information, Jokes, NIce Trick | 18 Comments »

By all Means… MARRY!

Posted by @ B H i on April 7, 2007

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
Henny Youngman

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
Sam Kinison

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
James Holt McGavran

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
MiltonBerle

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Posted in Analysis, Enjoy Life, Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Girls, Humor, Jokes, Life, Love, Marriage | 1 Comment »

Great Love

Posted by @ B H i on April 7, 2007

January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed…….
u….
R….
always….
a HEADACHE to me !!!!

When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i’ll take u an eye specialist !!

If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled “It really works!”

LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire….. continues with smoke…..and ends in ashes…
But dont worry – we are chain smokers

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy

so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow

Dear Friend,

when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I’LL NEVER DRINK water….!!!

when i call u;
1 ring means i’m thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ………pick d phone idiot

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence
Student : WOW !

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir….

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide

Posted in Analysis, Enjoy Life, Friends, Friends-Fun, Funny, Girls, Humor, Jokes, Life, Love, Marriage, NIce Trick | Leave a Comment »

Employee Resignation

Posted by @ B H i on April 7, 2007

Poetic Resignation
The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don’t know if I should stay.
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don’t know if I should stay.
The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don’t know if I should stay!
The managers don’t know what they talk
The team doesn’t know where they walk
That’s a bad situation, what say?
I don’t know if I should stay.
I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can’t keep switching day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.
The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It’s all done, I won’t stay.
Thanks & Regards
Employee
Manager Response
Reply: What I want to say?

(Manager)

The decision is good or decision is bad
Only God knows still I am glad
Keep moving in life that is what I can say
If you feel right go in the same way
May god give you the work, the challenge you want
Anyway there is always a second chance
Chances are there, grab them snatch them
That is what I can say
Keep on jumping companies to get more and more and more….
That will keep you always a fore (Even to me)
>From my experience I can tell you
Being in software development is like taking hell out of you
You are frustrated since you have no quality work
And you were frustrated because you had quantity work
It’s always like that previous job was better than the current one
And expects the new job will be much better than this one
But what you get is a frustration level up to sun
Than you will again send the resignation like this one
This is all what I want to say
Have you completed all the formalities?
Filled the form and got it signed from department humanities (HR)
Once done you can take all your cash
But don’t refer others as they will follow you’re a*s.
At last I appreciate your contribution to the company
Even though there was not any….
You will keep a copy of this with you for FYI
Don’t feel shy
As I also got it some time back from my old manger say Hi….
That is all what I want to say.
Thanks & Regards
Manager

Posted in Analysis, Funny, Humor, Indian, Jokes, Life, NIce Trick, Office, Shayari | 2 Comments »