Jokes

Laughter All The Way….

Mallu Jokes

Posted by @ B H i on May 20, 2007

Why does a Malayalee go to a temple?
Zimply to Bray.

How does a baby mallu cry?
“visa visa visa visa . . .”

Why did the Malayalee buy an air ticket?
To go to DUBAIH ..simbly to meet his UNGLE and AUNDY in GELF.

who was Bruce Lee’s best friend in Malayasia?
Malaya LEE

How does a malayalee spell Malayalam?
YAMM – YAY – YELL – YAY – WHY – YAY – YELL -YUMM.

What did the Mallu scientist do on reaching the moon?
He tested the soil if it was fit to plant tapioca.

Why do Mallus wear Mundu?
Because in the Monsoon flood the mundu can be tucked upwards as the water rises.

What happens when a bakery in Kerala is named after a gerrl called Anu?
Its named ‘Anus Bakery’.

Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.

What is the tax on Mallu’s income called?
IngumDax

What is Malayali management graduate called?
A Yem Bee Yae.

How many Malayalees do you need to change a lightbulb?

Infinite number.. One to change the bulb, 20 to form the light bulb workers’ union (Marxist), 30 to form the counter union (CPI), 1 to be the Light bulb minister, 1 to head the Light bulb corporation, 45 to be nominated to the light bulb corporation, 60 to go to US,Germany, Switzerland and Hawaii to do import product survey on light bulb, 3 to form the Judicial Enquiry commission on light bulb scandal…. so on…. (BTW, Kerala Marxists anyway believe that you don’t have to change light bulbs.. A light bulb has seeds of its own revolution….)

Is Bruce Lee a Malaya Lee?

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite weapon?
Kodaa Lee

According to Bruce Lee, which is the Venomous snake?
Ana Lee

Place where Bruce Lee stays when he is in Kerala
Adima Lee

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58 Responses to “Mallu Jokes”

  1. jomon said

    rascal,
    pulayadi mone.
    don’t repeat jokes on malayalees.

  2. minnaaram said

    you fuckin asshole….
    don’t ever publish your fuckin jokes about malayalees…
    who the fucking hell are you thinkin about…..

  3. Zimply superb said

    One more to add:
    Question: Why is Kerala – a 100% literate state in India?
    Answer: All illiterates are in middle-east

  4. Bharath said

    Mallu r retarded funny assholes …… god created them JUST FOR FUN!!! , also they r very cheap

  5. ABDUL RAZAK said

    VERY BORING COMEDY-

  6. rahul said

    Fantastic, 100 percent truth.
    Oxford university taken plan make one new dictionery because mally speak different english. like

    Zero is sero
    Zari is sari
    Five is fie
    Uncle is ungle
    Dubai is tufai
    Gulf is gelf
    Money is menny
    Video is edo
    Vijay is ejay
    Voltage is ooltage
    Voucher is oocher

    etc etc

    poda mayre mallu

    • hameed said

      bhai saab malayali kaise bi ho sab pe baari hai, ye to ek tarah ka jalan hai, Aap log to malayali ko mazdoori karte hue dekha hai, jab aap koi doosre mulk mein jaate hai, kaam karte hai. jab aap ko pataa chalta hai, aap log ke boss mallu hai, boss to aap ka marta hi hoga, kyoki aap log hai kaam chor, lazy, choor, chakka phir kyoo na maare aap logon ka ghand. Iss baat pe aap log irritate hote hain, anaah shanaab bakte hai
      Kuthe ki bokh ne se haathi ko sher ko asar nahi padthaa

  7. BYju said

    This site should be shut down immidiately. I am sure Malayalees can come up with fucking sticker jokes at NORTHIES or Marathis. Screw all em anti Malayalee’s.

  8. Sandeep said

    Some facts to my friends…

    1. K.R Narayanan, the former President of India is from kerala
    2. Dr. G. Madhavan Nair, the current head of ISRO is from Kerala
    3. The former under secretary general of UN, Dr. Sashi Tharoor is a Malayali.
    4. The Oscar Winner Resul Pookkutty is a Malayalee.
    5. Pazhassi Raja fought the British half a century before the first war of independence fought by the rest of India.
    6. V.K.Krishna Menon, first defence minister of India.
    7. A.K. Antony, Current defence minister of India.
    8. Lakshmi N. Menon, First woman foreign minister of India.
    9. E. Ahamed – Former Minister of state for External Affairs, Govt. of India, current minister of state for railways.
    10. Prakash Karat, General Secretary, CPI(M) National Committee.
    11. TPG Nambiar, Founder of electronics firm BPL.
    12. K.M. Mammen Mappilai – Founder of MRF Tyres & Manorama publications.
    13. Capt. C.P. Krishnan Nair – Founder of the Leela Group of Hotels.
    14. Rajan Pillai – Singapore based industrialist who founded Britannia.
    15. Kochouseph Chittilappilly, Business man, V-Guard and highest tax payer of Kerala state.
    16. Shibulal SD – Founder and Director of Infosys Technologies Ltd.
    17. Thakiyudeen Abdul Wahid – Owner of East West Airlines
    18. Mammootty – Famous actor. Three time winner of the national award for Best Actor
    19. P. T. Usha – One of India’s greatest athletes, who missed out on a bronze medal by 0.01 seconds in the 400 m hurdles event in the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics.
    20. Sreesanth – Indian cricket player.
    21. Shiny Wilson – One of the best middle-distance runners India has ever seen.
    22. M. D. Valsamma – 400m hurdles gold medal in the 1982 Asian Games.
    23. Cyril Valloor – Legendary volleyball player and captain of the 1986 Indian team that won the bronze medal in Asian games.
    24. Sahil Pisharody – Youngest male certified scuba diver of India
    25. M.K. Narayanan- National Security chief and former chief of IB (Intelligence Bureau).
    26. Gen.Satish Nambiar- Former united nations security general.
    27. V.R. Krishna Iyer – Former Judge Supreme Court of India, politician, and social worker.
    28. K. G. Balakrishnan – 37th Chief Justice of India.
    29. Prof. Dr. George Sudarsan – Renowned theoretical physicist
    30. Laurie Baker – Eco-friendly architect and engineer.
    31. Dr Thomas Thomas – The first Indian Cardio-Thoracic surgeon.

    These people are only a few from a long list of famous malayali’s who contributed to the development of India. Now just think about what u can say about your people and State….

    • anti mallu party said

      wt about my mallu barber ??

      • sogeking said

        ROFL!!!!

      • sree said

        @sandeep..nice work..a sweet revenge:)
        What to say to others who have seen only reshma and mariya..may be thats what their family sits together and watch…..hee hee…so that his mother is trained for the next movie

      • WHY NOT ADD MORE!!!
        1 SHAKILA THE FIRST FROM KERALA FOR FUKING MOVIES!

        2 THERE IS NO TERRORIST BOMBING IN SOUTH INDIA EXCEPT BEING FIRST FROM MALAYALEE!!!

        3 MOST DIVORCED STATE IN INDIA!!

        4 ONCE MARRY A GIRL IN KERALA & COMES BACK AFTER 20 YEARS FOR HIS GIRL MARRIAGE!! BEFORE THAT HIS WIFE APPLY FOR DIVORCE OR RUN AWAY WITH OTHER!!!

        5 GIVE MONEY HE WILL GIVE HIS WIFE LIKE GIVING WIFE TO ARABS IN DUBAIS

    • nimesh said

      awesome! answer,

      Also by the way, we ‘Northies’ know or knew little about mallu jokes till about a few years ago, as there was no interaction between us. Its only recently that we started meeting up with you guys in the ‘gelf’ or the west.
      So please don’t blame us. :)
      These jokes are attributable solely to TN/AP/KN

    • Anti mallu said

      Mallu: Barber
      Mallu: Electrician
      Mallu: Match fixer sreesanth
      Mallu: Plumber
      Mallu: Painter
      Mallu: Begger
      Mallu; Most pornstars
      Mallu: Most money-hungry
      Mallu: Least cultured, see them eating with their fists and you’ll vomit.
      Mallu: Worst pronunciation of English
      Mallu: All illiterates filling in gElf to make Kerala literate.

  9. SANJAY PILLAI said

    what the fuck are you people so mad about??… its just some baseless humor. take it lightly man, im a malayalee to
    but i dont give a rats ass about whats in this article… the only reason is that coz i understand its just humor…
    if u guys cant take it… well!! UP YOURS!!

  10. Fucker north said

    FUCK UR MOTHERS DICK LICK HER PUSSY SHIT U MOTHER FUCKIN BITCH FACE!!!KERALA IS THE CLEANEST STATE IN INDIA UNLIKE WER U MOTHER FUCKERS LIVE!!

    • Anti mallu said

      Ooooh very well, I am from North, I have seen how dirty your state is; lived there for an year. Disgusting….

  11. HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE ALIKE

    Both take up too much space on the bed.
    Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
    Both are threatened by their own kind.
    Both mark their territory.
    Both are bad at asking you questions.
    Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s crotches.
    Neither does any dishes.
    Both pass gas shamelessly.
    Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
    Both like dominance games.
    Both are suspicious of the postman.
    Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
    Neither understands what you see in cats.

  12. kutty rajan said

    really funny jokes about mallu but also very true.To those who are mad should check other stuff too because you are not the only one who was targeted here.check after Malayallee..there are Bengali, Gujarati etc.just learn to take a joke and criticism and try to improve yourself.that’a all you have to do.

  13. andi said

    Poda poori mone

  14. ravi said

    chootiay mallu salay….u smell and look like shit..bhosriwalo gand maralo….

    • Oruthan said

      Ravi…

      I’ll just count from 1 -5 tell me your dad’s name…try this trick with your mom also….

    • Raja said

      You bastard, We Malayalees takes bath every day, not like u assole. We dont shit on road side like u and your mom do.,understand. am living in bombay now and it is the dirty place i have ever seen in my life.

  15. Ninta_thantha said

    Kollam, nalla joke.ninta ammayuda pootil ittu kutham Pelayadi makane,

  16. Janshef said

    Leave it friends, Thats a bludy,nasty,scoundral.worthless, cultureless,thirdrate bruit,stupid,idiot,contry,bastud&rascal fellow.anyway i realy enjoy the responds frm mallus so i giv a special thanks to him otherwise we didnt get a chanse to blame him.

  17. rat said

    Famous celebrities of Kerala

    Reshma

    Maria

    Devika

    Mallus are very partial and once they get into higher position will pull their own state people in all other positions discriminating Tamilans.. Fucking B grade ass holes.. one of the worst vala vala kola kola language they have.. If katabomman dialogue is said in malayalam.. it will sound marana comedy.. mokai mallus..

    • krishna said

      Mr. Rat ..

      With due respect I wanna say the famous celebs of kerala are

      01) your mom

      02) Your kunjamma ( Sithi)

      03) Your Wife

      The worst and stupid language in india is as you said the kattabomman language…..Fucking tamil u son of a bitch.

      FUCK UR MOTHERS DICK LICK HER PUSSY SHIT U MOTHER FUCKIN BITCH FACE!!!

      KERALA IS THE CLEANEST STATE IN INDIA UNLIKE WER U MOTHER FUCKERS LIVE!!

  18. Fuck u said

    U dont like mallu because a mallu fucked ur mom&ur sister.U north indians don’t have any education&u all come to kerala as beggars&love to suck our dicks

  19. Silver Line said

    All you Mallus arguing with each other. All of you are crazy. Reasons:
    a)

  20. Silver Line said

    Although there are 45 rivers in Kerala, which mallu is really clean?
    a) Look at their feet. Most of them dont even cut their toe nails, or clean their feet!!
    b) Look at the way they pee around the town roads, standing, ignoring the fact there are ladies walking around!!
    c) Look at the arrogant way they talk to each other
    d) classical malayalam is totally forgotten with slang replacing normal convrsation
    e) false prestige demoniating them
    So mahy other reaosns, the God’s own country is going to Dogs. now
    Tamilians and others dominating all working class.

  21. Silver Line said

    Why do mallus stare at all women? Are they so sex starved?

    Mallu asks a girl – What would you like to have? A Cock or Pepsi? (instead of Coke or Pepsi). So much for pronunciation.
    Guys, get your acts together, and try to be decent.

    • Oruthan said

      Hi Silver Line..

      I am sure that you’r an ugly bitch…I am sorry mallu guys only stare at beautiful women…sorry..try fair and lovely or plastic surgery..good luck

      • Anti mallu said

        There are no beautiful women in kerela: Dog’s own COUNTRY. iS it a country ??? 99% people as black as hair. So they are starving for white girls.

  22. The gods make me sick said

    AIDS stopped promiscuous homosexual behavior. The vaccine will restart it.
    AIDS effectively brought in a control and forced people to reexamine their behavior.
    The threat of pregnancy in the absence of abortion would do the same thing. Too many would think twice and refrain from behavior which will cost them in the end.
    Remember::::Some people are no longer “qualified” to be punished. They are too far gone and at best are relegated to the “consolation prize”.
    People argue bygone eras had people like the freaks of today. Perhaps, but mankind has experienced evil from within throughout history. These people, not eligible for punishment, could be people like ROman Emperor Coligula, polygamous Mohammed (if intentional) and maybe even Jesus.
    Abortion and to a larger degree liberalism, promoted through the perceived impression of California superiority, has accelerated societal decay. What was once the fringes of society in centuries past has now gone mainstream, involving the masses, and spreading to even favored parts of the country once sheltered from the cancerous social poison experienced by Califonrians.

    Much like the other prophets Mohhamed (polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny) and Jesus (forgiveness/savior), the gods use me for temptation as well. In today’s modern society they feel people are most weak for popular culture/sensationalism, and the clues date back to WorldWarII and Unit731:TSUSHOGO, The Chinese Holocaust.
    It has been discussed that, similar to the Matrix concept, the gods will offer a REAL “Second Coming of Christ”, while the “fake” Second Coming will come at the end and follow New Testiment scripture and their xtian positioning. I may be that real Second Coming.
    What I teach is the god’s true way. It is what is expected of people, and only those who follow this truth will be eligible to ascend into heaven as children in a future life. They offered this event because the masses have just enough time to work on and fix their relationship with the gods and ascend, to move and grow past Planet Earth, before the obligatory xtian “consolation prize” of “1000 years with Jesus on Earth” begins.

    Your job as a future mother is to learn the god’s ways and to help your child understand despite the negative reinforcement and conditioning of today’s society. Without consciousous parents the child will have no hope, and may even exaserbate their disfavor by becoming corrupted in today’s environment.
    Your ultimate goal is to fix your relationship wiith the gods and move on. You don’t want to be comfortable here, and the changes in Western society in the last 100 years has achieved just that.
    1000 years with Jesus is the consolation prize. Don’t be deceived into thinking that is the goal.

    The Prince of Darkness, battling the gods over the souls of the Damned.
    It is the gods who have created this environment and led people into Damnation with temptation. The god’s positioning proves they work to prevent people’s understanding.
    How often is xtian dogma wrong? Expect it is about the Lucifer issue as well.
    The fallen god, fighting for justice for the disfavored, banished to Earth as the fallen angel?
    I believe much as the Noah’s Flood event, the end of the world will be initiated by revelry among the people. It will be positioned to be sanctioned by the gods and led for “1000 years with Jesus on Earth”.
    In light of modern developments this can entail many pleasures:::Medicine “cures” aging, the “manufacture” of incredible beauty via cloning as sex slaves, free (synthetic) cocaine, etc.
    Somewhere during the 1000 years the party will start to “die off”, literally. Only those who maintain chaste, pure lifestyles, resisting these temptations, will survive the 1000 years. Condemned to experience another epoch of planet’s history for their ignorant pursuit of xtianity, they will be the candidates used to (re)colonize (the next) Planet Earth, condemned to relive the misery experienced by the peasantry during history due to their failure to ascend into heaven before the Apocalypse.
    Never forget:::It is not a house of Jesus.
    If this concept of Lucifer is true another role of this individual may be to initiate disfavor and temptation among this new poulation, the proverbial “apple” of this Garden of Eden. A crucial figure in the history of any planet, he begins the process of deterioration and decay that leads civilizations to where Planet Earth remains today.
    Which one is it? Probably both:::
    One transitions into the other, allowing the gods to wash their hands of obligation to their Chosen One.

    You are faced with a lifetime to work and prepare for your next chance. Too many will waste this time, getting stoned, “Hiking!”, working, etc.

  23. Jose Pearson said

    Hi,

    Some Malayalis studied in rural malayalam medium schools in Kerala may have some difficulty in pronunciation. It is not their mistake, their teachers didn’t correct them at right time!. But they are far better than people of any other Indian states. Remember Dr. Pramod Nair is one of the very few English Professors who got selected in Cambridge University to teach English. ( Nobody get it from out side UK!). Well known English news reader Rini Khanna is also a Malayali ( Married to Mr.Khanna). US Indian Ambassador Nirupama Rao and Former UN Under Secretary General Shashi Tharoor are also Malayalis who have got a great command over English. They excel in all fields, if they get a chance. Malayalis are generally sincere, loving and hardworking than any other Indians.

    Love you all!

  24. Jose Pearson said

    Some Malayalis studied in rural malayalam medium schools in Kerala may have some difficulty in pronunciation. It is not their mistake, their teachers didn’t correct them at right time!. But they are far better than people of any other Indian states. Remember Dr. Pramod Nair is one of the very few English Professors who got selected in Cambridge University to teach English. (Usually nobody gets selected from out side UK!). Well known English news reader Rini Khanna is also a Malayali ( Married to Mr.Khanna). US Indian Ambassador Nirupama Rao and Former UN Under Secretary General Shashi Tharoor are also Malayalis who have got a great command over English. They excel in all fields, if they get a chance. Malayalis are generally sincere, loving and hardworking than any other Indians.

    Love you all!

  25. XFT $$$ said

    hahahaha lolzzzzz malluz have a kind of attitude ..dont noe why???

  26. ALEXANDER JOSE said

    JUST THINK:::::
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    Rather than saying ‘i am a malayali,tamilian,mumbaikar,north Indian,south Indian,etc

    “why don’t you guys say am an INDIAN?”

    Stop harassing your own countrymen , learn to respect each other, learn from the mistakes,fight against corruption,think innovatively and uphold the national interest and live for a better INDIA and make your children in a position to say “I am proud to be an INDIAN”

  27. funny pictures…

    [...]Mallu Jokes « Jokes[...]…

  28. funny images…

    [...]Mallu Jokes « Jokes[...]…

  29. Kannur wolverine said

    North indian nayinta makale, ninte oke ammamarode poor vita paisa njangal malayalikalude kayil und. Nee oke vishapadakan njangalude keralathil kooli panik varumbol ninte oke bharyamarudeyum penganmarudeyum pootile kadi matan njangal ningade vtilek povarund. Asooyak marunilada pala tantayk pirana polayadi tayolikale.
    Just fuck off u north indian bastards.
    Jaake chullu bhar pani main doop mar, behanchood saale . . . . . . . . . . . .

  30. deeps said

    come on guys. malayalis are not that bad. don’t judge a book by its cover. try to look deep into them, then you will see the truth. some maybe not good but not all. worldwide we are only know as indians so why fighting? if your malayali friend or anyone malayali is not good at something, it is all our’s duty to help him because we are all brothers.we are all indians

  31. raju said

    Hahaha..it was quite fun..!! anyway mallu rokzz…

  32. raneez said

    Mallu brothers, even iam mallu
    Let them say, infact they all are correct!!

  33. Abhishek Nair said

    Hahahaa. Good jokes. I am a mallu and don’t mind these jokes. What’s the fun in life if you can’t poke fun at yourself… Some mallus on this page are taking it too personally. Lighten up guys.

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