Jokes

Laughter All The Way….

Things we wouldn’t have known without Hollywood movies…

Posted by @ B H i on December 14, 2006

It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone
     in the control tower to talk you down.
 

     Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba
     diving.
    
     All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
     Bread.
    
     The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
     place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can
     travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

 

     If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
     ammunition, even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.

 

     You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war
     unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your
     sweetheart back home.

 

     Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German
     officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language.
     A German accent will do.

 

     If your town is threatened by an imminent natural
     disaster or killer beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist
     trade or his/her forthcoming art exhibition.

 

     The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
    
     A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
     but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

 

     If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown
     through it before long.

 

     The Chief of Police is always black.
    
     Most dogs are immortal.
    
     All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
    
     If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
     passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

 

     When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take
     out a bill – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always
     be the exact fare.

 

     Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from
     elsewhere in the universe.

 

     Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
     night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

 

     Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always
     say: Enter Password Now.
    
     Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
     every morning even though their husband and children never have time
     to eat it.

 

     Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
    
     The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective – or
     give him 48 hours to finish the job.

 

     Conversely, the detective can only solve a case once he has been
     suspended from duty.

 

     A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of
     Wembley Stadium.

 

     Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
    
     Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at
     an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will
     have lost this technology.

 

     Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and
     pant.
    
     It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or
     ending phone conversations.

 

     Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary
     to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few
     moments.

 

     All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large
     red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

 

     It is always possible to park directly outside the building you
     are visiting.

 

     If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump
     into will know all the steps.

 

     Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
     communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

 

     It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
     involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to
     attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until
     you have knocked out their predecessors.

 

     When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they
     will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

 

     No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
     eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

 

     Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make
     sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total
     opposite.

 

     When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
     each other.

 

     You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
    
     Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in
     seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped
     inside.

 

     An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause
     no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

 

     Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects
     you personally at that precise moment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: