Laughter All The Way….

sardar ji again

Posted by @ B H i on July 23, 2006

Santa On the Controls
Wahe Guru & Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen: This is your
Captain James’ Santa Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We
apologize  for the two-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather
and some  overtime I had put in at the highway dhaba. This is flight
no.  9211(Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. Landing in Ludhiana is not
guaranteed, but with luck we may even be landing directly on your

Punjab Airways has a unique record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so well known that even fully trained terrorists  and
hijackers are afraid to fly with us.

It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 90% of
our  passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that
don’t  quite make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite
experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly  Kaur
will be happy to  brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
turn  them off for your convenience. To make your free fall to earth
pleasant  and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits.
For our  religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help
you  quickly  find out whether God really exists.

We regret to inform you that today’s in-flight movie will not be
shown  as we forgot to record it from the television. But we will be
flying  right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible
from the  right side cabin windows. These windows have been removed
for  your  viewing convenience. For passengers with sight problems,
we have  also  put a pair of Pinoculars under your seat.
As per the rules, smoking is not allowed on all Punjab Airways
flights over Punjab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the
early  warning  system on the engines telling us to slow down. Life
jackets are  placed  under your seats and free bathing costumes are
made available for  the  aunties and swimming trunks for the uncles,
for emergency water  landings on any of our five rivers.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off
and fasten your belts. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt,
kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those
of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with
Bubbly Kaur for your arrangement to sit on the bathroom seat. If you
do sit there, please do not flush frequently because it may result
in shortage of water we require for your tea. I won’t be flying with
you today because I have to attend to my  nephew’s wedding. But co-
pilot Kaptan Singh will have wireless  access to me in case he needs
flying instructions from time to  time. For an extra 500 rupees or
two tandoori chickens, our  attendant Bubbly Kaur will allow you to
come forward and occupy  the captain’s seat in the cockpit for 5
minutes each, for an  extraordinary view. Thank you once again for
choosing to fly with Punjab Airways.


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