July 2008 Horoscope : July Horoscope 2008 :July 2008 Astrology : July Astrology 2008

Aquarius Horoscope 20 Jan - 18 FebJuly Monthly Horoscope	Capricorn Horoscope 22 Dec - 19 JanJuly Monthly Horoscope	Sagittarius Horoscope 22 Nov - 21 DecJuly Monthly Horoscope	Scorpio Horoscope 23 Oct - 21 NovJuly Monthly Horoscope
Pisces Horoscope 19 Feb - 20 MarJuly Monthly Horoscope			Libra Horoscope 23 Sept - 22 OctJuly Monthly Horoscope
Aries Horoscope 21 Mar - 19 AprJuly Monthly Horoscope			Virgo Horoscope 23 Aug - 22 SeptJuly Monthly Horoscope
Taurus Horoscope 20 Apr - 20 MayJuly Monthly Horoscope	Gemini Horoscope 21 May - 20 JunJuly Monthly Horoscope	Cancer Horoscope 21 Jun - 22 JulJuly Monthly Horoscope	Leo Horoscope 23 Jul - 22 AugJuly Monthly Horoscope

1st Kiss (Pretty Funny)

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to
her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes
a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist
it’s his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like
to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his
first
time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!”

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his
head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head
down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the
boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist.”

Money is really hard to earn……..

Good Morning…..

Friendship is like the relation between hands and eyes.
When the hand gets hurt, the eye cries, and when the eye cries the hand wipes its tears.
Be careful when you do something…
U never know when it hurts someone with a broken heart…
Everyone hears what you say…
Friends listen to what you say….
But Best friends listen to what you don’t say ..

Shaddi (Marriage)

Dear Friends,
this is something for the Newly Wedded couples

abhi shaadi ka pehla hi saal tha,

khushi ke maare mera bura haal tha,

khushiyaan kuch yoon umad rahin thi,

ki sambhale nahi sambhal rahi thi,

subah subah madam ka chai le kar aana

thoda sharmate hue hume need se jagana,

wo pyaar bhara hath humare ballon main phirana,

muskurate hue kehna ki darling chai to pi lo,

jaldi se ready ho jao, aap ko office bhi hai jana.

gharwali bhagwan ka roop le kar aayi thi,

dil or dimag par poori tarah chai thi,

saans bhi lete thy to naam usi ka hota tha,

ik pal bhi door jeena dushwar hota tha.

5 saal baad……..

subah subah madam ka chai le kar aana,

table par rakh kar jor se chilana,

aaj office jao to munna ko

school chodte hue jana…………..

ek baar phir wohi awaaj ayi,

kya baat hai abhi tak chodi nahi charpai,

agar munna late ho gaya to dekh lena,

munna ki teachers ko phir khud hi sambhaal lena.

na jane gharwali kaisa roop le kar aayi thi,

dil aur dimaag par kali ghata chai thi,

sans bhi lete hai to uni ka khayal hota hai,

har samay jehan main ek hi sawal hota hai,

kya kabhi wo din lot ke ayenge,

hum ek bar phir kuwaaren ban payenge

How Dare you….

One day , at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skin tight miniskirt.
When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach to step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little.
She still could not reach the step.

Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more.
Still, she couldn’t reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn’t reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus.

The girl turned around furiously and said, “How dare you touch my body that way, I don’t even know you!”
Shocked, the man says, “Well, ma’am, after you reached around and unzipped my pants three times, I thought that we were friends.”

Funny Abbrevation

JEE - Jehadic Entrance Examination

IIT - Islamic Institute of Terrorism

IIM - Institute of Infiltration Management

CAT - Career in Alqaida & Taliban

IAS - Iraq after Saddam

M Tech - Masters in Terror Technology

GATE - General Aptitude in Terror and Extremism

TOEFL - Test of Extremist Foreign Languages

GRE - Graduate in Relocation Extremism

MBBS - Master of Bomb Blasting Strategies

MBA - Master of Bombing Administration

By all Means… MARRY!

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
Henny Youngman

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
Sam Kinison

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
James Holt McGavran

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
MiltonBerle

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Great Love

January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed…….
u….
R….
always….
a HEADACHE to me !!!!

When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i’ll take u an eye specialist !!

If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled “It really works!”

LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire….. continues with smoke…..and ends in ashes…
But dont worry - we are chain smokers

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow

Dear Friend,

when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I’LL NEVER DRINK water….!!!

when i call u;
1 ring means i’m thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ………pick d phone idiot

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence …
Student : WOW !

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir….

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide

Tunnel : Software Programmer & Project Manager

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through
the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit
except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her
grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the
young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving
each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch
black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without
saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very
brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she
slapped him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young
tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t
missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me,
but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He
thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance
to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same
time!”